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Question: Wife is hesitant about the lifestyle..what do I do?

Dear Lounge Advice,

My wife and I are in our early and mid 40's. We are an upscale, very attractive couple. Our type is sort of "cool hip meets Ralph Lauren". We are both fit, tan, healthy and very much in love. We are though, newbies. We have had a couple of encounters with professional erotic entertainers, 2 different occasions with females and 1 time with a single guy. We have never actually had sex with these people, but have been completely naked and playing with hands and kissing only. We have gone to several parties and have had sex with each other in a room with other people, but never crossed over into playtime with other couples. Those evenings though, turned into incredible sexy times with each other. We constantly talk during our love making about being with other people and it turns us both on very much. We have attended several other Lifestyle events that are not necessarily of a sexual type event, but fun social events. During those events we did not really socialize with other couples as they were concert type gatherings. My wife is having a difficult time with the social aspect of the Lifestyle, talking with people about our kids, our lives etc. She is more about the sexual side of meeting up with a couple, have great sex (not necessarily full swap) and call it a night! I have been the one who is more active on the site then her, though she is very aware of our membership. When the reality of making plans with another couple to get together arises, she tends to turn against the thought. Going to parties, dancing, drinking and playing is something she's done, but it seems like we both would like to try something more exciting, but she sort of freaks out when I suggest making plans with another couple! The last time this happened, it took a bit of an edge off my eroticism with my wife, as the potential of this anticipated playtime seems further from reality. Does this make sense? Any thoughts or suggestions?



Dear (Anonymous),


Don't be in a big rush...relax, take your time, communicate well with each other and explore the lifestyle at a pace that is comfortable for you both.
Pushing things too fast with may turn your partner off.

It sounds like you both need to have a heart to heart talk about how you each feel about the lifestyle and your expectations with it.


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