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Question: Is there a better way to negociate this mine field?

Dear Lounge Advice,

My parner and I have been together for 5 years and have had many adventures together. Some were great and others, I could have done without. We have talked about it numerous times and he feels that he is less selective than I am. When it is good, I am a entusiastic participant but when he is interested in a couple that I am not interested in, it causes problems for us. I do not want to take one for the team but also feel uncomfortable with the aftermath when I decline. I have never said that he could not do his thing but have asked not to be a part of the package deal. Is there a better way to negociate this mine field. I want to be able to go for it when the cemistry is right but do not want to get a cold sholder when the spark is not there.

Help me please,



Dear (Anonymous),

Never "take one for the team"...even if you have to endure the cold shoulder.

It's unfortunate that he treats you badly after declining an experience with a couple or individual you are not comfortable with, but dealing with that is better than lowering your self esteem and self worth, which is all you are doing when you participate in something you are not in agreement with on a sexual level.

It sounds like both of you may be waiting until the last minute to inform each other on how you are feeling about potential play partners.

We would suggest that you always keep a constant flowing communication between the two of you at all times, drop little hints on what you like and don't like about other couples and partners to each other.

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