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Question: Since i am not interested in this lifestyle do you think he will be able to stop it for sake of our marriage?

Dear Lounge Advice,
I recently found out that my husband is living double life, swinging with his "girlfriend". This happened two times before, but he did it on his own, and now he got himself a fuck buddy.
We have been going to the therapist twice before and I donít see any effects. He says this girl doesnít mean anything to him and he wants me to join him. Since i am not interested in this lifestyle do you think he will be able to stop it for sake of our marriage?


Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

I just about cried when I read your e-mail. I've been through this sort of thing myself. I was married to the owner of a very popular swinger's site, and became very popular myself. I partook in the swinging lifestyle partially to keep both of us from straying. I encouraged him to find swing partners he likes, as long as I was involved. I even 'took one for the team' and laid with other men whom I didn't find attractive so he could have the girls he was attracted to.
In this kind of situation, there is NO reason to cheat. In a normal monogamous marriage, very few have good reason to betray their partners.
I'm going to be frank with you. He has to choose. It's either YOU or his little escapades. If he's NOT willing to give that up, and continues to pressure you to join in, LEAVE! I know this is easier said than done, but I can only say it because I've done it.
If therapy isn't helping, and your obvious distress over the situation isn't changing him, nothing will. From the looks of it, you've allowed him to get away with too much already in the past. Enough is ENOUGH!
I walked out on a seven year marriage because the lifestyle had become more important than me. It was THE hardest, yet THE best decision I've ever made.
You can't continue dwelling on this. It will eat you alive, and that's not fair to you! It's ultimatum time. Tell him, with conviction, that it's you or the lifestyle. If he offers a moment's hesitation on his answer, or chooses you and adds a 'but' to that condition, get out.
You've shown you're willing to salvage your marriage. He's shown that he's only willing to sabotage it.
I waited too long to get out of that situation. Shame on me.
Don't follow in my footsteps.
I made the ultimate sacrifice and left that behind. He made the ultimate sacrifice when he lost ME to other women.
Your time is past due for you both to make a decision. Nothing will get better until one of you does.

Sincerely,

~ASKROBYN- LL Advice



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