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Question: My marriage in trouble and I don't know what to do.

Dear Lounge Advice,
My wife and I got into the lifestyle several years ago, always going out to clubs and parties and meeting new people, always having a blast, we even went to Hedo 3, 3 times , once with the Lounge folks and had fun. We have had several encounters with couples, single females and even males, usually at house parties. We did this for approximately 3 years until it became apparent that my wife was not interested any longer, she never came out and said that she was not at first, but after several months of scheduling parties, meetings, and just plan old going out. She would always come up with reasons we could not go and sometimes we would go and get into situations she ultimately did not want to get into.
This was something we both started together, both interested in, and both planned things for, it was not a case on me trying to drag her into it for myself and I always told her that without her I did not want to do this and all she would have to do is tell me and we would not do it any longer and I always meant that.
Now after a couple of years of not being in the lifestyle, we are at the end of our rope, almost divorced, separated, and that was something I never thought would happen, EVER. It is now coming out that the sight of me makes her sick and all she does is remember how dirty, gross, disgusting she was for doing those things that she did.(when used to be the twinkle in her eye)
We have tried counseling together although not much, and about to give it another try. She is also seeing a counselor on her own.
Here is the problem, I realize that in order to help with this problem we/she needs to speak to someone about it and SHE WILL NOT, not friends, not relatives, not even a counselor, for she would be extremely embarrassed if anyone found out and if she had to talk about it.
We also have underlying problems too, but it appears that this is glaring out on why our relationship is failing. I have been putting up with a lot over the past few months from her, anger, frustration towards me, lack of sex or even emotions, just a cold hard woman and that has never been her. We have 3 kids and a wonderful home and good friends and family that I'm not willing to give up and most of all I am in love with my wife still after 16 years and that i will miss the most.
What can I do? Where can I turn? Is there Help for us?

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

You both have some SERIOUS problems that need to be dealt with. It sounds like your marriage is going in a dangerous direction and you both DO need to seek professional help.
I wouldn't begin to try to assist you with your marital problems. I would be doing you AND the site a disservice if I tried. This is something only you, your wife and a professional can handle.
However, at the risk of sounding harsh,I do feel that I can say this without hesitation: Get off this site, even if you're just here looking for friends and/or advice. Get as far away from this lifestyle as possible. You do not belong here, even if it is just to ask for advice. Unfortunately, you are just barking up the wrong tree, and as much as I would like to help you with such a dire situation, I simply can't.
But please, seek help. Both of you need to do it not only for yourself, but for your children's sake.
And please, do not come near the lifestyle again for a long time, if ever. You MUST have a strong, loving, trusting relationship to be here.

Good luck and best wishes!
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