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Question: He wants to stay in the lifestyle and I want out.

Dear Lounge Advice,

My partner has been in the lifestyle prior to us meeting. When he asked me about swinging I thought he meant dancing - OMG how dumb! But I had just come off a 22 year ugly marriage and he was divorced and again in the lifestyle.

He explained it to me and we started off slow, with some close friends, not in the beginning, but soon after 6 months. It was strange, I felt betrayed by him and I could not perform for the other man, I did the actions but that was it.

Come to find out in the end they only wanted me - god knows why - but it took a real toll on our relationship. He keeps talking about it and wants to try it again. I told him I did not want to pursue this any further. So he said all I want is to see you with another woman, I truly believe that so he can join in. All in all I just don't want this lifestyle and I have told him that on many occasions, he told me I got burnt once and it would not happen again. We have been together for 3 years and I belive this is to soon to become involved when I feel we do not have a solid relationship to start.

What are you opinions? Thank you.

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

If you don't feel that you have a solid relationship, and that certain things need mending, this is not the lifestyle for you right now.
This is no place for issues. The purpose of this lifestyle is to enhance an already fantastic relationship.
Here's an analogy I use a lot to relate the importance of having a strong relationship while swinging:

The lifestyle is like the wind to a fire.
If you have is a strong fire,
the lifestyle will breathe more life into your fire so that it burns even brighter.
If your fire is weak, that wind will only blow it out.

Keep this in mind.

If you both stay in this with a weak fire, you're liable to burn out.


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