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Question: He is upset that I don't want to do seperate room swap.

Dear Lounge Advice,
My partner and I are new to this and we have mixed feelings about playing. I am not comfortable playing in seperate rooms and he wants to "leave that option" open. He says what if the other couple wants to play in seperate rooms? I said then we don't play. He got a little upset because he wants to. Should I be concerned? And what should I do? How do we resolve this?




Dear (Anonymous),

This is simple:
1) Your main concern is not what the 'other couple' wants. If you're not comfortable with it, don't let others dictate your limits.
2) If BOTH partners are not comfortable with something, it shouldn't happen, period. Nobody should do a single thing that makes them uncomfortable, and your partner should be understanding of this if the lifestyle is going to work for you. This is all about having fun and if you're not completely at ease with doing something, you're doing it for the wrong reasons. He may not like your decision, but he'll have to deal with it. He should have enough respect for your comfort to understand your objections, and heed them. Especially with you both being new, seperate rooms are probably not your best bet right now. If he remains adament about this, I would examine the reason why he's pushing it. I could think of myriad reasons someone would want to push that issue against the other's wishes, and none of them are pleasing.
Make your objections known again, and if he protests, then it's time to pull out of the lifestyle and reinspect priorities.
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