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Question: I was violated extensively during swapping and my husband doesn't seem to care.

Dear Lounge Advice,
We went out last weekend and hooked up with a couple. The Mr. of the other couple was obviously drunker then we had thought. It started off with him being loud and a bit rude. After a little he started becoming a bit rough with me while we were playing and distracting his wife and my husband. Later, I was finished and with the way he was acting didn't want to play anymore. My hubby and her were trying hard to play and it was very hard w/ "his" loud mouth.

He started saying rude things to me, calling me a snob and was grabbed me hard and yanked me into him atleast 4 times telling me "we" had to finish him off. (He was having troubles finishing because he was drunk) He even bit me really hard, I hurt for 2 days. He also said he wasn't going to use a condom and such. Very rude and I felt violated by his words and actions.

Well, my husband got upset with me. I asked him how he could not have heard me yelling NO at this guy and didn't flinch. He even told her we'd get back together with them and he promised her he'd "finish" next time. He's not even being supportive towards me with how I was treated. I really feel like crap because of how this guy treated me, physically and emmotionally. Now my husband doesn't want to play at all because of what this guy did.
I'm at a loss. I don't even know what to say or act towards any of this. I still need to write these people and let them know we won't get together with them again. But, it's my husband's actions and what he said that really bother me. How could he not be upset with what this guys did to me?
Unsure

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

You are absolutely right to be LIVID about this situation! Not only was the other woman's husband completely in the wrong, but your own husband was too. The situation you outlined is downright atrocious and you're right to feel violated and hurt.
I apologize for what I'm about to say, but it is voiced out of sheer honesty and concern for you.
It's quite obvious that in this situation, any loving husband who is aware of his wife's feelings and safety would have literally ripped the manhood off of that other man. If that happened to me, my husband would have put that man in the hospital, at the very least.
The only discernable reason I can come up with for your husband's behavior is this: He's in the lifestyle for the wrong reasons. Any man who would disregard his wife's safety and feelings in this situation AND set it up to happen again is obviously in it for himself, and not for you. If he would willingly place you in the same kind of danger again, it would appear that you are the pawn for him to get laid.
I'm so sorry for this to sound as if I am indirectly degrading you. It is not meant this way, but it is what seems to be the only logical reason behind this. My extensive experience in the lifestyle leads me easily to this conclusion.
You both need to withdraw from the lifestyle and have some serous communication and reevaluate your priorities. Find out what his intentions are in this lifestyle, HONESTLY. You should lay down the ultimatum. Either he informs you of his honest intentions, or you're done.

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