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Question: Boyfriend getting a bit hooked on the LS, causing me concern

Dear Lounge Advice,

My boyfriend and I our new to the lifestyle - only a few months. Our sex life is amazing, but recently it seems to be only following an experience with another couple. And if it's just a regular day, he doesn't seem to be interested in me anymore or he is too tired. Last week, we fell asleep on the couch together watching TV and when I woke up he was gone. He had come upstairs and got on the computer and was checking The LL website. When I walked in the room he was masturbating to people's pictures (the females). He used to wake me up when he was feeling in the mood. I know he is attracted to me and loves me very much but I need to know is this just growing pains or should I be worried?

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

It does seem to be a bit of a case of growing pains as you described, but I can surmise that he's also getting a bit overzealous about this. Granted, you're going to experience some insecurities, but your partner can also help to alleviate these insecurities by his actions. Finding him masturbating to the women's pictures is very disconcerting, and would cause me alarm as well. If it seems that your sex life is suffering as a result of his fascination with the lifestyle, you may need to take a step back and reestablish your sexual roots before branching out to other endeavors.
He needs to be sensitive to the fact that you need to feel more secure than normal, especially when venturing into this kind of territory. Oftentimes, it is the woman who needs the reassurance that she can feel just as valued sexually and individually, if not more so, when partaking in sexual activities outside of the relationship.
By all means, please share you feelings with him and let him know that you are concerned. If you do not communicate with outright candor, things will only get worse, and a rift will form. Don't let a lack of communication lead you down a path of destruction.
Work on yourselves first, and make sure you still have that solid sexual foundation, then come back to your explorations.
He doesn't have to like it, but if he loves you, he'll do it!
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