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Question: I'm not into the couple scene anymore, but feel selfish only wanting 3-somes

Dear Lounge Advice,
My husband and I have been in the lifestyle for about 3 years. We have had good, bad, and indifferent experiences. Lately I am not into meeting couples and don't know why. I am extremely bi, but also like men. I think maybe the reason I don't want to meet couples is because it feels like we are not doing it together. When we are with another couple all I think about is being with him and the other woman, not the guy I'm with. I love to see my husband pleased by another woman and him the same with me. So why don't I like the couple scene? Am I selfish to only want threesomes so I know his attention will be on me more? I feel that in a FMF, or even a MFM, I would have a good time. I always want to be involved in what he is doing, because I want to be part of what ever turns him on. Is this selfish of me or normal for me to want the attention on me at all times. He would definitely enjoy himself either way, but I feel selfish. I think that a threesome would work for both of us but yet I still feel selfish. Any advice?



Dear (Anonymous),

This is something you need to discuss openly with him. Tell him every thing that is entailed in this letter. It is wonderful that although you feel guilty about being selfish, that you truly care about your partner's feelings.
If he is okay with just threesomes, go with it! You don't need to feel uncomfortable in your situation.
Just make sure that whatever decision comes of your talk, that it's fair to both of you. I don't necessarily feel that you're being selfish though. It seems that you truly enjoy being close to your partner, and direct contact with him during play will enhance those feelings. That's truly what our lifestyle is all about. We should all find the best route for staying close to our partner, while alleviating insecurities. If threesomes are ok with both of you, do it. Sometimes, with certain types of play, like couple swap, your desires will go in cycles. You may find that, over time, your desire to be with couples may naturally wax and wane. That's natural, so don't feel guilty.
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