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Question: My wife let another man cum in here, and it hurt me

Dear Lounge Advice,
Recently my wife and I were with two couples we like very much. We always use protection with anybody we hook up with...except one of the couples. This is where it starts. We were going at it when I heard him ask my wife if he could cum in her? when "I thought she replied auht ahh". A minute later he got up and went to the rest room and got her a damp towel that she placed between her legs and went to the bathroom. My heart sank! On the way home I asked her what happened. She told me she said she told him yes. I got very upset and hurt. She has lots of feelings for this man and I can see he feels the same. She doesen't think there's anything wrong with it. She wants to be the one to talk to him, but she can't understand why Im so hurt and upset. Am I being wrong in at least keeping that OUR special thing? Does other couples cum inside? Should I be upset with him too? Every time we were with this couple, he always came with his wife after we left. (must be special) Im worried if we talk to him his wife may find out and be mad too.(remember, she was in a different room) I am wrong...How should I explain to him the situtation?



Dear (Anonymous),

This is not his fault, nor is it his responsibility. This is entirely your wife's fault. If she knows that you wish to keep this as a special thing between you and her, she should not be telling anyone that it's ok to come inside of her. If he was courteous enough to ask if could do it first, he did the right thing. She said yes, so he cannot be held accountable for what happened.
Other couples may allow this act to take place, but only because they are ok with it. If you do not feel comfortable with someone finishing in her, say so! If she respects you, she will understand your wishes and comply. If you do have another encounter with this couple, it will be her responsibility to tell him that the act is off-limits. If she cannot do that, intercourse should not take place. Period.
As for the remark you made about her having feelings for him, and vice versa...
That's a warning sign. If feelings are developing, you really shouldn't be swinging with them anymore. It sounds like it has already gone too far. If you continue to allow them to have sex, there may come a time when it won't be just 'having sex' anymore. Do you truly look forward to the possibility of your woman 'making love' with this man if she continues to swing with him? I've seen this happen too many times, and it tears relationships apart.
Define your boundaries with her, and please be adamant about your wishes. This lifestyle is about you and her, as a couple, first and foremost. Nobody else should be more important.
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