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Question: Menopausal wife not interested in sex, but I still need physical contact

Dear Lounge Advice,
I am a Lifetime member of LL, deactivated my account because my lady isn't comfortable with this lifestyle and since I wanted to pursue the relationship, which led to marriage I made that choice.
I always enjoyed the honesty in LL.
I am always open to all possibilities and need some additional advice, so I reactivated my membership.
For the last 14 months my wife started para-menopause ( Sorry if I spelled that wrong..LOL).
Her libido abruptly deminished and mine hasn't.
I did allot of research and found that this can be one of the effects and that it may or may not change.
Communication is an essental part for me in relationships, so over the course I have encouraged her to go to a doctor, seek hormonal or alternate hormonal therapies, spiritual or physical counciling, marriage counciling..etc.
I have been understanding of what she is going through and will not make demands for love making, which cycle has been once to twice every 2-3months.
The other night I told her that I knew her libido is not very active right now because of her hormonal inballance. Then I asked her if she understood that because my libido is still very active, that I too have a reverse hormonal inballance. She said she knew that. I then asked if she had any empathy for me. She said not really, because she just doesn't even think about it.
Believe me, if masturbation filled that need for intimate sex, I wouldn't be seeking advice.
I am still emotionally faithful, but physically I am nearing the point where I am thinking of divorce or finding a friend with benifits.
If you have any other options for me to consider I am open to them.




Dear (Anonymous),

Your concern for her is obvious. You chose the right path by leaving the lifestyle to make your marriage a priority. You have expressed your love and caring for her problem and have apparently been patient. I can certainly understand your frustration over the lack of physical contact and her lack of concern is troubling. She should be reciprocating interest in your dilemma, just as you did with her. If she's unwilling to help you or assist you in finding a way to fulfill your needs, then we have an imbalance. Everybody has needs. Try to explain again to her how important it is that you have your physical needs satiated more often. If she is unwilling or unable to do this, she can't very well expect you to lead a life devoid of sex. You may want to approach her with the idea of finding that 'friend with benefits'. There's only so far you can stretch for the one you love before you break. There has to be compromise in some form or another. Without compromise, it isn't a balanced relationship, and that's simply unfair. If she loves and cares for you, she will take your proposal into consideration, or at least help you find a way to remedy your situation.
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