Home   New Mail!  Contacts  Who's Online  Friends  Search  Advice  Forum  Blogs  Groups  Mall  Chat  My Account  Clubs  Travel  Login  
  15 members in chat10 in bOOty Call
 
Lifestyle Sexual Advice
Does DP increase the chance of a vaginal infection?
How does a woman orgasm? I mean does she shoot out like men?
more sexual advice advice
Lifestyle Etiquette
What is a
House swapping
more etiquette advice
Relationship Advice
Is there hope?
Goose vs. Gander
more relationship advice
Friendships, Clubs & More...
Verifying and validating accounts
Viagra
more friendship advice
  
Question: I want to get my wife into this, but she doesn't want it

Dear Lounge Advice, I would like to try the life style but my wife has no interest.
What can I tell her to try to get her interested.
We have great fun fantasizing about swinging but she gets scared when I get serious about it and she says she doesn't understand why shes not enough for me.

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

If you are thinking of joining the lifestyle and are pressuring your mate, you are in it for the wrong reasons. Swinging will make a strong relationship stronger, and a weak relationship weaker. Swingers you will meet in the lifestyle will tell you this, and to do it when both partners have equal buy-in and not for anyone else. You will have a much better time, and so will everyone else involved.
This is a treacherous method of entering the lifestyle, knowing that your partner may not be up to it quite yet. Please do not push your partner into doing anything she is not comfortable doing. This will only cause problems in your relationship. If you wish to get her interested, sit down and talk to her about your desires. Show her a swinger’s website or a website of a local swinger's club. Explain to her that you can start on a swinger's site and see what happens. If she shows interest, great, but take it very slowly. You can't expect her to go from posting an ad to meeting a couple for full swap. Ask her if she would like to go to a club just to watch sometime, and take small steps from there accordingly.
As excited as you may be about swinging, it is best to step back and ascertain the best way for you both to enter the lifestyle comfortably. Your partner may require extensive time and exposure to feel at ease with this idea. Remember that many people hold misconceptions about the lifestyle and may need this time and experience to help clear up misunderstandings.
If you both do consider taking it further than online exploration, try attending a pressure-free event, such as a meet and greet, and make it clear that neither one of you is expected to do anything at all. This way, your experience will be much less intimidating and she will be more inclined to explore further.
If all goes well the first time them have her decide which event she might like to try the next time.

Your partner may warm up to the lifestyle a bit more if she enjoys the parties and the company and realizes that the stereotypes surrounding the lifestyle are often false and contrived. Attending lifestyle events serves many purposes for first-timers, or those who are otherwise timid of the initial experience.

If your mate expresses that she is just not interested, leave it at that. Tell her that is she would like to entertain the possibility, then she can bring it up when she's ready. Do not push! It will only make her feel insecure and make her wonder why you want to do this so badly. Women are delicate creatures sometimes, and we tend to analyze men's motives.
Guys, the best way to make her feel secure in entering the lifestyle is to reassure her that you love her, that she's beautiful, and that you are doing this not to find something better than her, but to enhance your relationship. If she doesn't hear this reassurance regularly, she will most likely assume that she just isn't enough for you, and that is why you feel the desire to swing.


Click here to view Lounge Advice archives
100's of answers to your lifestyle questions can be found here!