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Question: My wife complains of few encounters after setting very picky standards

Dear Lounge Advice,
My wife and I have been semi-active in the lifestye for the past two years. I say semi-active because my wife has set some pretty strict rules about potential playmates, height (must be over 5'7") between the ages of 26 and 36,no red heads, not of the "Beautiful Ones" set etc. Yet she complains about not having many encounters. How can I convince her to expand her horizons? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.



Dear (Anonymous),

If she's complaining about not having many encounters, then you should be blunt about this. Tell her that her plethora of standards is putting a damper on her play opportunities. We all have certain standards, and we're all certainly entitled to them. However, if one is to set multiple specific standards, such as your wife's, then one should expect to lessen the chances of play. Not wanting a partner that is part of the 'Beautiful Ones' is especially perplexing though. I'm not aware of the reasons for this rule, but perhaps you are. If it's a misconception that 'beautiful people' are stuck up and/ore otherwise intolerable to be around, then I can clear that up. They're not all that way, and perhaps if given a chance, she will see that those type of people can be a blast. The same goes for many of the other standards she has set. Usually, couples will start out with fairly strict rules about who they want to play with. Over time, though, these rules inevitably relax when the couple sees that more variety means not only more opportunity, but more fun. So, one option is to simply open the window a bit wider to view the broader horizons.
Sit her down and tell her that the lack of play is a direct result of the narrow criteria she places on her playmates. It's ok if she wishes to adhere to these criteria, but you should let her know that if this continues to be the case, the obvious effect of lessened partnerings is a given. If she's an intelligent women, she will see the obvious connection.
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