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Question: How to get the elusive single bi-fem (pay close attention)

Dear Lounge Advice,

We are a married couple seeking a single bisexual female for a threesome (who isn't right?). Well after quite some time of searching online and in the clubs, we are only able to find women for ff, or the female winds up being part of a couple who wants to full swap.

What are some good ways to hone in on the single bifems that are into threesomes and avoid the ones who really aren't in the end?



Dear (Anonymous),

I wish I had the formula, but alas, I do not. Here are a few observations I have collected in my ten years' experience with single females: Take what you can from this (it is an excerpt from my something I am writing) and adapt it to your situation.

Here, we see economic principles come into play- scarcity vs. demand. Single females are a rare commodity in the lifestyle, but they are out there.
The mistake that many couples make in their quest for the unicorn is setting their expectations out of their reach. Many people seem to be seeking the young, attractive Barbie doll type to fulfill their fantasies of a girl-girl threesome. While it’s wonderful to have high expectations, one must realize that that ‘fantasy’ girl may remain just that- a fantasy, if that set of criteria is adhered to. Let’s examine the reasons why this is such an impractical goal.
Young women, especially those in the 18-25 age bracket are usually still holding out for the fairy tale ending. They typically center their sexual aims around the quest for the perfect love, that quintessential man that will take the leading role in their future. Even promiscuous young ladies may have this goal in mind, believing that the more they give of themselves sexually to men, the better their chances will be at attaining the prince they so dearly desire. Sleeping with a couple fits nowhere into their master plan. If we narrow down the demographics a bit, we can examine the small minority of attractive young women. Undoubtedly, this is the most sought after demographic for males. All types of men are vying for the attention of a young, beautiful woman. Many men would do just about anything to either bring one to their beds or make an attractive woman their long-term partner. Just go to any strip club to see a crude example of this behavior. Take note of what you usually see on the arm of an extremely wealthy man. Pick up a copy of Playboy or Penthouse, the most popular men’s magazines, to see examples of what the majority of men desire the most. There is a reason the most popular men’s magazine isn't called Hags ‘R Us.
Women that possess youth and beauty have their pick of almost any man they desire because they are so sought after. So again, there is little incentive for them to go to bed with a couple that wishes to use them to fulfill their fantasy.
Chasing unicorns of this type is usually a fruitless effort, and will serve to cause only frustration and disappointment. The chances of a couple luring a beautiful young unicorn into bed are extremely slim.
You'll come to find that due to the ratio of single females to couples and singles males on a swingers’ site, single females, regardless of age and appearance, will almost always have the advantage. The high demand alone will ensure that almost any type of single female can easily find bedmates of her liking. There are plenty of couples that do not place so many strict requirements on attaining a single female, and are more than willing to have the time of their lives with a lady of average age and average looks. Personality and sexual prowess can, of course, more than compensate for a less than stellar appearance. There are advantages to seeking an older woman as a bedmate. Some people falsely equate youth and beauty with dynamic sexual skills. While there are certainly plenty of skilled young ladies out there, one may find that with age comes experience. Certainly, the most important sexual goal for the vast majority of swingers is to experience something dynamic in bed., and an older woman may be able to provide the experience to fulfill your goal more than an inexperienced younger woman may. Older women also tend to be more secure and self-assured, and less likely to need any kind of attachment in order to partake in sexual experiences with a couple. Obviously, the aforementioned generalizations are just that- general. There are always exceptions to the proverbial ‘rules’.

If you truly wish to still have a chance with a single fem, befriend her. From experience, this has been the best way to make a single lady feel comfortable with a sexual experience. Women, more than men, need to feel a certain comfort level, especially when sharing themselves sexually with not one, but two people at once. She'll most likely need to get to know you a bit first, since most women don't regularly practice jumping into bed with a couple. Don't pressure, don't make it your main prerogative, or allude to, getting busy. Just act as if anyone would when making new friends, and get to know her. Have fun, do dinner, go to a club and talk as friends. If, after a while, she's comfortable with you, her body language will betray her desires. Even if your dreams do not come to fruition, you have still made a fast friend. If you don't end up sleeping with her, please don't give her the cold shoulder because she didn't give herself to you. Otherwise, she'll know you were after one thing, and that hurts. None of us are in the lifestyle to hurt others. After all, most of us have been at the receiving end of such deception, and we know how cruel it is.
Bottom line, treat the lady like a person, and you'll go a long way.
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