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Question: Another woman took my husband outside and screwed him behind my back

Dear Lounge Advice,
Help please my insides are in turmoil..
A short while back, my partner got quite drunk while celebrating at a vanilla club, surrounded by our vanilla friends.
He had informed a lifestyle couple where we would be, (We had never met this couple before)they seemed very nice and had a good sense of humor. We were mingling with all of our friends and not paying "special" attention to this lifestyle couple, who truthfully was "larger" than our taste.
Within an hour after I had arrived to join the celebration (after work)he was so smashed that he "needed to go outside".
"Mr and Mrs.Lifestyle" felt so bad for his state, Mrs. walked him outside.
I said good byes and gathered our things, Mr.LS and I walked outside to find him.. with his back up against the car, with Mrs. riding his cock, BAREBACK! big rule with us, condoms always, and I would never sneak out and fuck someone without his approval of the man. We did not know this couple! I was shocked. I didn't react other than to tell her husband I was shocked and we never play without condoms he assured me they were "clean" yah, great..
When they saw us coming they stopped and Mrs closed his pants and hers, or maybe I am imagining she did, because he proceeded to puke some more, repeatedly.
He of course was sooo sorry and doesn't remember much of anything.. his cock coming out or even how it got started.
In all fairness I should mention that he Rarely ever drinks, will never drink and drive so drinking is not part of his norm.
I have never seen him so smashed and so sick.
I was so hurt and angry at such a breach of trust, we have rules that were put in place by him more than me and he broke them!
how do I handle this?

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

First, he doesn't need to be around any lifestyle people and/or activities if he plans on drinking, because you shouldn't have to keep constant watch on him like a babysitter. You shouldn't have to fear for this to happen again. If I were at the receiving end of this, I'd curtail lifestyle activities altogether until he can prove that he's trustworthy.
Now, the entire fault is not with him, even though he should a great deal of culpability in this. That other woman was what I would refer to as a 'backstabbing bitch'. She took YOUR partner out of your view and proceeded to screw him. Strike one. She then attempted to cover it up when you stumbled upon the scene. Strike two. From what I can ascertain, she certainly didn't seem to be apologetic in light of the situation. She's lucky that this 'strike three' wasn't a physical strike right to her pretty face.
I am sorry that you have to go through this. From many years of experience in the lifestyle, I can tell you that scenarios such as this are a rarity, not the norm.
YOU need to be in control of future lifestyle decisions, and how far you are both involved and what goes on during this involvement. This is very atypical advice for me to give, as I am an advocate of equal voice. However, in light of the situation, it's a necessity. If, in the future, he proves to be able to handle being a part of making coherent decisions that benefit you both, then he can enter the equation a bit more.
You DO need to talk to that woman and her husband if you haven't already. I realize it's been a couple of days since I've responded to the inquiries here, and much may have already transpired. IF you've still not dealt with this, it's time to confront the other couple. They need to know that this kind of this is not tolerated in the lifestyle, and if SHE gets away with this, she'll think it's ok to do it to another.
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