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Question: How do I let someone know that they're not being sanitary?

Dear Lounge Advice,

We met a couple whose company we both enjoy a great deal. We have been to their house on several occasions and have played just about everytime we have met with them. However, there is one problem that I am having with the guy of the couple that bothers me a great deal, and makes it difficult for me to get completely involved during play with him. On several occasions I have witinessed what I consider to be poor hygeine on his part. While he is well groomed and clean, he tends not to wash his hands at times when I think he should. On several occasions I have witinessed him touching his shoes while we are sitting and chatting, playing with or petting his dog and after he uses the restroom. On one occasion, in plain view, he used the restroom (not just peeing), did not wash his hand or genital areas and then proceeded to return to the room and continue play, without so much as touching any type of soap or hand sanitizer let alone water. I find this quite disturbing, and it completely killed the moment. I refused to let him touch me in the genital and facial areas after this. I felt dirty afterwords and could not wait to get home to take a shower. I would like to somehow mention this to him, but I don't know quite how to do so without causing hurt feelings or possibly hurting our relationship to the point of not being able to play with him anylonger. I have mentioned this to my husband, he too is disturbed by this, and said he would talk to him, but he does not know how to do so without causing a rift in our friendship. At this point I have refused to play any further until we are able to put this issue to rest. Any advice on how to handle this would be greatly appreciated.

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

Bring it up in normal conversation, without mentioning anything about him. Sometime perhaps when you are all out to dinner, or just sitting around having a friendly conversation, find a way to ease into this topic. You can even have your hubby prompt the topic so you can let this man know your stance on it.

For example:

Hubby makes a slight (rehearsed) crack on you for being so anal about hygiene.

This is the point that you can *defend* yourself by saying something to the effect of
"I can't help it, but I have to make sure I wash my hands constantly and I like my hubby to wash his hands on a regular basis, especially after coming in contact with germy things"
You can elaborate on this as much as you want, but the key is to overplay it, even if it makes you seem OCD. Feel free to mention the health consequences of not washing after touching certain things, or the obvious, using the restroom.
You can even talk about an 'ex-boyfriend' *wink wink* that wouldn't wash his hands after using the restroom, and you wouldn't let him touch you because of it. Emphasize that it was a COMPLETE turn-off that he didn't wash, and that he NEVER got any play if he was unsanitary.
This way, you're bringing it up in causal conversation, in a non-confrontational way without pointing fingers to anyone present. Hopefully, he'll get the point. If this man wants to please you, he'll heed this conversation, and perhaps go out of his way to show you that he's taking sanitary steps.
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