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Question: After two affairs and a child from one, my wife wants to continue

Dear Lounge Advice,
About seven years ago, my wife had an affair. She became pregnant from this and I have accepted the child... my son...
Three years later, she had another affair, no pregnancy, thank God. My wife had lost a considerable amount of weight in this time and due to the effects of gravity and three children, she had a breast augmentation. Now she has men hitting on her daily. I found that even though we worked through the emotional aspects of the affairs, there was something missing. We began to talk about the erotic aspect of everything that had happened and I found this to be quite a turn on. I suggested that we join the LL and try playing together as a couple. At first she was interested, but after joining, she decided that she wanted to only continue playing with the guys that she picked out privatly and then tell me about what happened. In truth, I simply feel like the only one getting play... or should I say, getting played, is me. Am I wrong? I thought that finding other couples that enjoyed sexual freedom would give her an avenue to enjoy her sexuality, but I don't think that is what she is after... I really could use some advice.

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

Most people would not be as tolerant as you have been throughout this whole ordeal. I'm not sure of your reasons for putting up for so much. Even if you love her more than life, you have done more for her than she really deserves. That being said....Yes, you're being played, as you put it. She knows that she essentially got away with having two affairs, and you took her back. Not only that, you're raising the child borne of one affair. She probably figures that you'll continue to put up with future indiscretions, and she's guaranteed to continue her patterns. She thinks that she can placate you now by telling you about what happened afterward. After it happened once, and you let it slide by accepting it....ok. I can understand this to a point. By allowing her to do it again, part of the blame lies with you. You have indirectly condoned her actions.
It was noble of you to suggest the lifestyle, but if she's already getting what she wants on the side, why would she truly want to pursue this with the extra hitch of having a significant other to complicate her 'hookups'. So of course, the lifestyle is not what she is after. It's fairly obvious that she is after her own selfish gain, and probably will continue to have affairs with or without your blessing.
My questions to you are harsh but necessary- Do you have any measure of self-respect? Would you like to have some dignity as a human being? You need to seriously reconsider this relationship, no matter how much you have invested in it. If you stay with her and allow her to continue using you as a human doormat, then it is your prerogative. However, whatever she does to you from now on will be partially your fault, and if you allow this, you will have to live with the consequences. That means the emotional agony and psychological impact will be yours to bear entirely, as it is by your choice that you reap these ill-gotten gains. You're not running your life. She is. Is this what you really want?
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