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Lifestyle Sexual Advice
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Question: How do I nudge my wife back into the LS?

Dear Lounge Advice,

We got in the lifestyle over a couple of years ago, just thought it would be fun to give it a try... I truly had almost no knowledge about it before, I got the idea as I was perusing the internet looking for a fun party to go to for New Year's eve... This was a few weeks after my wife had taken us to Las Vegas and was role playing as a high-class call girl... it was a lot of fun and very arousing... She had also shared with me in the past that when she was a model in her younger days, she had had sex for money a few times (and, she clearly didn't need the money...), I found that very exciting... So one day, I simply asked her if she would be interested to check out one of the clubs, and she was intrigued by the idea. So, we went and we had sex with a couple that first night, right there at the club... We were very excited afterwards, and we became friendly with the couple, and have seen them both socially and sexually a few times since then (we like them a lot, but they are a little too hardcore for BOTH of us...). Since then, we have attended various parties and clubs, and our best experiences have been going to a couple of the lifestyle resorts... We have been a very low circulation couples, but we probably full swapped with 10 couples or so. The last time we did it, was at one of those resorts where we be-friended a couple most of our stay, and had sex with them a couple of times. The problem was that my wife wasn't very attracted to Mr. (though she liked him a lot), and he was a little aggressive, plus she loved his wife (not sexually, she is not very bi at all...) and so did I, and I think she became jealous when we were flirting and having sex. She hadn't shown that side of her before, and she became very uncomfortable with the whole thing since then... I had no interest in that woman other than sexually and friendship like the 4 of us did. Since then, she has been very reluctant with regard to any Lifestyle experiences. We have attended a few parties, but eventhough we met some nice couples, she didn't want to go any further... Except one time, after a wedding, we were at a bar with a couple of vanilla girlfriends, and she was talking to some young stud at the bar whom she seemed to like, so at one point, I whisper in her ear that if she wanted to kiss him, she should do so, she didn't hesitate for a moment and just did it (of course, she was a little tipsy by now...). Our vanilla friends were a little shocked, but we didn't care... Later we left with the young guy in tow, and took him to our hotel, and we both had a great time with my wife... I love seeing her receiving pleasure from another man and watching them play, especially when she is very attracted to them. She woke up in the morning embarrassed for some reason, but we had a very sexual day... Since then nothing, our biggest challenge in the lifestyle has been to find couples that we are both attracted to both people, she is very picky (except when she finds the right guy she can be wild, which happened in Vegas once at a Lifestyle event, but unfortunately his wife had no interest in me, and she was jealous we think...), and she doesn't like to flirt with girls that much....

Obviously, I have come to love the Lifestyle, and I would love to be back in it, but my wife says she has no interest to be in it anymore, and I don't want to push her either (and I haven't brought it up in a long time). Almost every time we did it, it was a real enhancement to our sexual relationship and otherwise, and I believe it was mutual, except for the fact that more often than not, she wasn't sexually attracted enough by the guys she did it with (she always liked them a lot a people).

How do I bring her back, without putting pressure on her, what do you think is her problem with it, she is obviously open-minded about it having done it before?

Thanks for enlightening me




Dear (Anonymous),

"she wasn't sexually attracted enough by the guys she did it with "

There's your answer right there. I have been in her shoes before, and because I was sleeping with men that I didn't find all that attractive, I began losing interest in the lifestyle. This was years ago. If she is picky, then that's something you may have to deal with if you both do re-enter the lifestyle.
I would suggest that when you bring it up to her, that you make mention that you realize she wasn't getting to be with men she necessarily found tantalizing. No matter how alluring someone's personality is, sometimes they just don't do it for you in bed. Obviously, she enjoyed bringing the stud back from the bar because she was actually physically attracted to him.
She needs the physical attraction to be strong to enjoy swapping. Most of us do.
So, why don't you suggest to her that she can peruse the profiles to find a couple with a man that does it for her. Allow her to be completely in charge of picking. That way, she is ensured to have something to her physical liking and she feels more in control of her pleasure.
Now, I am not advocating a complete loss of voice for you. However, since you are the one who wants for her to get back into this so much, you should be willing to sacrifice a bit initially. Of course, if she chooses a great guy with a woman that you wouldn't touch with a ten-foot pole, then you should have veto power.
Since she was willing to dabble in the 'team-taking' business in the past so that you could have a fun time, perhaps you might like to return the favor.
I'm not one to suggest taking one for the team, but in this case, you're the proverbial beggar, with means that beggars can't be choosers.
If she does ease back into the lifestyle, then naturally, you should BOTH be attracted to the couple with whom you are swapping. If one person isn't fully into it, then don't do it.
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