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Question: Are we getting to close to this couple?

Dear Lounge Advice,
We've been in the lifestyle for about 3 years. We are married and very much in love with eachother. Recently we met a couple who are like no other couple we've ever been with. She feels extremely connected to him, and it goes way beyond the sexual. They say that they "Care" about eachother, and they really involve feelings etc. The female half has the same dynamic. It is much more a crush, then a lifestyle situation. The relationship has progressed rapidly. We communicate during the week, and plan meetings often on the weekends. My question is that it's very confusing. There is so much more then just sexual attraction in this new relationship, and there are some strong feelings that are so foreign to us. When do we stop? Are we getting out of control? Is our relationship in trouble? PLEASE HELP!!

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

Your e-mail literally made me cringe. I've been in that situation before with my ex. Notice the key word there- ex. Although it wasn't a four-way crush in our situation, it was the case with at least one of us in a couple of situations.
You are treading on thin ice with this situtation. Please be careful, for the sake of your own realtionship. I allowed my ex to grow too close to the female half of a couple on more than one occassion. This caused a huge rift between us. He allowed me to grow too close to a male. This ultimately became a factor in the demise of our marriage. Although we didn't have a model relationship anyways, these attachment sure didn't help.
It can be quite normal for two couples to become close and form a bond. However, from what you are describing, this bond sounds like it is infringing on the wrong boundaries.
Even though you are very much in love with each other, allowing this outside influence to become this strong, you risk the security of your relationship.
I would strongly suggest considering putting the brakes on this. You don't need to quit them cold turkey, but you do need to slow down and reevaluate your goals in the lifestyle. Are you here to make friends with benefits, or are you here develop strong feelings for others outside your marriage? Consider carefully. The wrong path could lead to regrettable results.
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