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Question: We're shy and having trouble finding action

Dear Lounge Advice,

We have a tripple threat. We are pretty new to the lifestyle, but have found it to be a fabulous experinece for both our relationship and our sex life. We have had only one L.L. experience and that was with a single guy a few months ago.

The problem is that we live in a very remote small tourist town and we don't want to play locally. Too many rumors and way too small a town. This is strike one.

Strike two is that we are a bit shy. We are new to this and don't really know how to approach people (although this site really helps).

Strike three is that we are a bit picky for physical appearance and good energy. It feels like if we traveled 2-6 hours driving just to meet a couple or single, that we have made a pretty big investment in time and energy and will feel compelled to play even if the vibe does not seem right. We also don't really have that much free time.

Any guidance?




Dear (Anonymous),

Being picky isn't a drawback. Having standards is a definite positive. If you were willing to play with just anyone, then you could view it as a drawback. I can understand not wanting to play in your area. This can also be viewed as a positive. It gives you a chance to travel, to see new places and meet new people. Yes, it takes time and effort to do so, but some people never get that chance. They're stuck playing in their area most of the time, and that can get old. Revel in the fact that you can branch out, even if it by necessity.
Being shy can definitely be a hindrance though. You do have the right idea being on this site. This allows you to really get to know people in the comfort of your own home. It's so much easier to 'approach' other via e-mail than in person. So stay here and continue to do that. The more people you get to know here, the bigger your network will get. We have found that, especially on this particular site, once we get tight with one couple, we usually meet all of their friends. So for every one couple we take the time to bond with, we usually gain the company and friendship of their familiars as well.
Get to know those kind of 'groups' of friends and go to thier parties. That way, you'll know a lot of people and won't have to worry about trying to approach anyone. We usually make it a point to travel to a big LL party 2-3 times a year. We make the time to do it, even with our busy schedules. Everyone needds scheduled down time like that, so try to allow this for yourselves.
Before those parties, we network a lot on the site, trying to acquaint ourselves with as many of the partygoers as possible. That way, when we get there, we're not alone.
As for playing with people that you've travelled out of the way to see, even if the vibe isn't there.......
Don't. You'll get jaded by the lifestyle quickly if you continue to do 'Oh well, what the hell' kind of plays. Try not to put yourselves through that.
To save yourself some travel time, and avoid the stigma of playing in the same town, you could try this:
Meet your potentials out locally, and if things click, go one town over to a semi-local hotel and have fun! Just a thought :)
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