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Question: Should we be setting groundrules before contacting others?

Dear Lounge Advice,

We are new to this lifestyle and I'm wondering if things are going to work out. I'm the female and I really want to have some control over the initial contacting of other couples. My partner constantly bypasses this ground rule and then gets upset if I'm not interested in someone that he has either wishlisted, or chatted with online. When we go out, things are really fun and I don't have any problem ... but I don't really feel comfortable with him emailing couples and/or single women on our behalf. I get upset with him ... and he behaves for a little while ... then it happens again. I tried explaining to him that I need to trust the groundrules ... even if they seem petty to him. He says, hey I'm writing on behalf of both of us, I'm not keeping secrets, so lighten up. Is this going to end up being a huge problem? I feel like the ground rules need to be established so we enter this lifestyle comfortably, trusting eachother. Comments?



Dear (Anonymous),

You're right. YOu need to establish groudrules together. This lifestyle is about both of you being comfortable, and both being able to choose the activities you partake in and the people you meet. So sit down and have a long talk about what you both want to do, and how you will go about it. If you're uncomfortable with him making the decisions for both of you, then take the initiative to get more involved online. This way, you'll have more control over who gets contacted. If you want to have a say in this process, you'll need to be active in finding people as well.
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