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Question: How to turn others down

Dear Lounge Advice,

If someone contacts you and you aren't interested is it best to "not reply at all" or simply reply "thanks, sorry, but no thanks"

I feel RUDE not replying at all but at the same time I feel bad saying "thanks but no thanks"

I don't want to hurt people's feelings.



Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

There will always be the inevitable battle with rejections- both giving and receiving them.
If someone e-mails you and they just arenít your type, there is a simple way to let them know that you arenít interested.

Thanks for your interest in our profile! Although we do not feel that we are a match, we wish you the best of luck in finding what you seek. Happy swinging to you!

If youíre open to pursuing friendships with others with whom you donít necessarily seek a physical attraction, hereís a similar reponse you can send:

Thanks for your interest in us! Although we donít feel that we are a match, we'd still love to chat with you, since making friends is one of our main goals here. If a friendship with benefits is what you're exclusively seeking, we certainly won't take it personally if you don't wish to pursue us any longer. Either way, we hope all of your dreams and fantasies come true!

This not only gives them the chance to take the rejection with their dignity intact, but it also proves you to be a classy person by responding to their e-mail despite your disinterest, and doing so in a classy manner. You do not need to provide reasons for your disinterest. That is your business, not theirs. If they write back asking for the reason, you can either choose to ignore it, or politely inform them that the reasons do not matter, only that you arenít a match as you said in your initial correspondence.

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