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Question: I'm tired of taking it for the team.

Dear Lounge Advice,

Hi i am having a dispute with my husband at the moment regarding when it is or isn't ok to pull out of a rendezvous. Sometimes it takes me a whole while longer to feel a chemistry with a guy then it does my husband. Basically like most men his dick rules head and he will basically fuck any woman yet I am more choosy and take my time.
For example Last week we met a couple for drinks and it was ok then we went on to a club it was there I realized that i really wasn't so keen, but as i could see my hub was well into it all it ended in me taking for the team and hating myself for it for the following few days!
Now I say that i reserve the right to be picky as its my body and I also reserve the right to turn round and say NO I am not happy with this lets go. He says no you don't as the longer it pans out the harder it is to get out of it. I just said even if we are walking towards the bedroom I can still say no or I don't feel well etc.
What is the etiquette on this? I am sick of going with the flow. So much so that it is with serious consideration I am going to stop this whole lifestyle as it is no longer fun.
Husband and I have otherwise a fantastic relationship, but this is a major conflict?
Any suggestions apart from kicking my husband up the ass and telling him to stop putting himself first (which I have).



Dear (Anonymous),

You're 100% correct on this matter! This lifestyle is about the couple, not the individual. If you're both not enjoying this, then it's pointless. You have the absolute right to so no. In fact, you have the right to say HELL NO!
You two need to sit down and have a serious talk about this. Yes, you'll butt heads, but you both need to establish some ground rules. One mandatory rules needs to be that if you're not BOTH feeling the vibe, then nothing happens. Period.
By taking one for the team, though, you are at fault. Stop doing this, or you will end up with no self-respect or dignity in this lifestyle. If I were face-to-face with you right now, I'd grab you by the chin, look you in the eyes, and give you a stern talking to about this team-taking business. LOL!
Stand up for yourself. He needs to realize that it's not all about his pleasure. If he continues this, you have the right to nix the lifestyle altogether. Then, he'll have NO fun.

So, his choices are as follows:

1) Respect your wishes and stay in the lifestyle to enjoy moderated fun

2) Continue to be selfish and withdraw from the fun completely.

If he respects you, he'll compromise.
Ultimatum time!
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