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Question: I'm uncomfortable with the closeness my hubby has developed with her

Dear Lounge Advice,

My husband and I have been in the LS for 5 years. We have been playing exclusively and regularly with another couple since last summer. I have since become very close friends with the female, as has my husband. My husband and the female seem to have a very strong connection emotionally as well as physically. While I get along very well with and consider the male a good friend, by no means do I share such a deep emotional connection with him. I have begun to feel uncomfortable with how much my husband and the female chat through text, email and IM. They speak on the phone everyday. I have spoken up about it and they have both backed off, though he says he feels restricted and she says she is walking on eggshells. He openly shares all their communication with me.
We have referred to ourselves as a monogamous 4some and have become very close friends. My husband says I am his #1 and he could never be in a relationship with the female although outsiders have noted their chemistry. We, as a 4some, have always said our friendship comes first and foremost and have even discussed my feelings openly. She is loyal to me and our friendship first, but that does not change the connection she has with my hubby. Do we continue with this couple and continue to communicate as we have in the hopes of working through this? Or do we end the physical relationship? Must we end the relationship completely? Can we "walk backwards" and just be friends after all we have shared?



Dear (Anonymous),

I've been through this and I can understand your feelings. I decided that since speaking up about it really didn't bring about the desired results, that it was time to end the physical aspect of the relationship. We all remained friends, and I retained some security in the relationship. From what you outlined, if you continue with the physical aspect of this relationship, there is a chance for feelings to develop that may be of detriment to your primary relationship.
If you still want to remain in the lifestyle's physical embrace, you may want to consider opening up to others in bed.
YOU are the primary in this situation. If you are uncomfortable with something, you have the right to stop it. If these are your friends, they will understand this.
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