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Question: Hubby getting to gung-ho about the LS

Dear Lounge Advice,
We are a recently engaged couple who have been together for two years and in the lifestyle for two years. When we first got together it was exciting and we said that we would try it out to see how we liked it. We have been with a few couples and a few single females. Well lately I feel as if the lifestyle is taking over our lives,so I told him that for right now I don't want to be with any male except for him,I still left the option open for us going to lifestyle parties and for occasional play with single females ( for him),and to hang out with our lifestyle friends and still be super flirty with them. Well that is not good enough for him.For the last few days he has been moping around and he won't even look me in the eye. I tried to explain to him that,we tried and I do like the people of the lifetsyle and the parties,but since we have been doing this since our relationship started I need to take a step back and just concentrate on us and find who we are again. He doesn't want to go the lifestyle parties because he says no one will take to us if they know we aren't full swap. I think that is bull. So he wants all or nothing. I think to save our relationship we need to take a step back. Lately I got to bed alone very night because he is on the computer and in chat on two or three different sites at the same time and he doesn't come to bed until 2:30- 4. We used to have sex all of the time now it is only 2-3 times a week. He says that if I would not go to bed st 10 or 11 ,and if I would get on cam or try to get him before I go to bed then we would. I don't want to id it is going to be lie that. Am I wrong for wanting my man actually in bed with me most nights!? I told him the other day that when we first started this we said that it was a benefit to our relationship and that at anytime we could walk away and it would not matter.He said that he remebers that but,his actions are telling me that this lifestyle is more important than our relationship. And as you have read above,I am still allowing Single females for him,lifestyle parties and dinner with lifestyle couples. And I am not ruling out full swap forever just for now. I thought that any man would be grateful for what I m still offering but I guess I am wrong.Please any insight on this situation would be greatly appreciated.

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

He's lucky you're considering this at all. Most women wouldn't let their men anywhere near the lifestyle. So he needs to cool his heels and heed your wishes. He can't have everything all at once. Plus, there is no way possible that you CAN'T have fun at lifestyle events even without sexual play. My husband and I go for the same reasons you stated. We don't expect to do anything. We just love to have fun with open-minded people- no strings attached. So he needs to stop pouting and act less like a kid who was told he can't have everything on the candy isle. If he gets a better attitude, you'll be more willing to go along with this. But you're right when you say you want your own relationship to be the priority. He needs to get his own priorities straight, or he'll be removed from the candy isle altogether.
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