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Question: We are both ready to jump into the lifestyle, but my wife still has apprehensions.

Dear Lounge Advice,

We are new to this lifestyle, never done it before. I am ready to jump in with both feet but my wife is very aprehensive.

She wants the excitement but is concerned with what will happen if we do meet another couple and then get overcome with fear or decide not to continue. We do not want to waste anyones time and feel that everyone should be rewarded for their efforts.

Any suggestions on how we can get started? How about a club, are they safe? We do not want to be a coupls sex toy we just want to go slow and feel our way into this lifestyle.

Help us if you can.

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

First of all.. what you both are experiencing is very normal... most of us have been there.. done that... and we are happy to tell you... we all survived it...

What you may want to do is go over some of the questions we already answered here (check the archived ones too) and visit our regular informaitonal website at www.zacnzoey.com. Many of your questions (and hopefully your fears) will be addressed there.

Let us tell you that any of the fear is just fear of the unknown... so hopefully after reading our site you will feel more relaxed about it.

One thing we do want to restate as we have in the past.... Don't focus so much of your concern on the other people that you put your own feelings on the back burner... You need to just be upfront and honest with any people you meet and explain that you guys are real newbies. The people who have no patience for that will just move on... (some people dont even want to go there) and others will afford you the patience and respect that you are looking for. No one needs to be rewarded for any efforts except your spouse !

Take baby steps... and remember that if you are unsure about anything its fine to go off by yourselves to discuss it... in other words... dont apply pressure to yourselves.

Make ground rules ahead of time.. and stick to them... there is no rush... trust us...after having made all the mistakes for you... the lifestyle can be so much fun and so enjoyable if you allow yourselves to develop a pace that is safe and comfortable for both of you.
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