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Question: Sorry I put my toe in the water

Dear Lounge Advice,

How do we get out of this? My girlfriend does not feel comfortable with the lifestyle ( we have had limited experience) but she refuses to get out. I am ready to leave it entirely to save our relationship but she feels it is something I NEED and if we leave I will cheat on her anyway. At this point it is not something that either of us seem to enjoy but we are at a standoff. She won't get out until I prove to her that I am just in it for the P***y. If I try to quit now I am a liar and if I do get some then it proves her point and I KNOW there will be reprisals. I know you are not a marriage counselor but what do you suggest?

Signed
Sorry I put my toe in the water

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

You both NEED to get out of this altogether. She has serious trust issues, and being in this lifestyle will tear you apart completely if you stick around. I think that your willingness to pull out completely shows that you are committed to making it work. Just the fact that you're reaching out to me about this proves that you have a desire to put her foremost in your priorities. She's making it so that you're damned if you do, and damned if you don't. I'm sorry you're backed in a corner like this. However, you're decision to pull out is the right decision. She's putting you in an impossible situation, almost as if she's setting you up to screw up no matter what decision you make. Tell her what she's doing to you and that it's not fair at all. If you're to earn her trust, you can't do it by facing constant cynicism. Your relationship needs work, period. She needs to be much more reasonable if she wants it to work. If she can't, she doesn't truly have the best interest of the relationship in heart.
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