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Question: Should I be hurt?

Dear Lounge Advice,

My question is as follows. MY SO and I have been in this lifestyle for 6 months or so now. He has been the one to contact the unicorns, he knows what I like, but anyways, there is this one that he has chatted with a few time 5 - 6 times maybe and she gave him her cell number. ok that is fine. He did tell me she gave it to him. Anyways, the next day he calls her. He did not discuss with me the fact that he was going to call her, or if he should call her. NOTHING! He asked me nothing, and then came home and told me he called her. WE have been married 10 years, and I trust him, but being new, I really have to trust him. But what he did hurt my feelings and made me feel left out. He then went on to tell me that he can never do anything right...Some how Some way, i really think he is thinking can relive his premaritial days here for free and that it is some kind of magic wand that got laid on him to talk to whoever he wants when he wants. He always signs both of our names, but it still hurts none the less. what do you think?? Am I over reacting here????

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

Well, it sounds like neither one of you set your boundaries first. So stop, drop and talk!
Communication is key! If you are going to swing, this is THE most important factor to ensure success in your endeavors. Talk about everything, from possible situations, to feelings, to comfort levels. It is an awful feeling to get hurt when you see a partner do something that you just don't want to see while swinging. Discuss your boundaries up front. If someone gets hurt because you did not express your feelings, the fault lays on you for not expressing yourself. Remember, your mate is not a mind reader, so you must tell each other what you want and do not want. If this is made known, and they still do it, THEN it is their fault. Before AND after every encounter, you will have to talk about it. Ask your partner, "Were you comfortable with what happened?" "Did anything bother you?" This will display your care for their feelings, and will make them more secure upon future rendezvous. Obviously, communication is a key factor in any relationship, but in the lifestyle, it can make or break you. Your sexuality is sacred, and you wouldn’t share it with just anyone. After all, sexuality is one of the many important things to bonds you to your partner, so sharing it with others is no light matter.
If you do not feel that the communication in your relationship is up to par, please do not consider the lifestyle until it is. If you or your mate cannot adequately express yourself and your feelings, then you will experience overwhelming difficulties while attempting to swing.

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