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Question: How do I coax her into going further with the LS?

Dear Lounge Advice,

well, i have a few questions...we are new to the lifestyle, we have attended two LL parties and the first one was ok, pretty much just stood around and talked to a couple of people but what can you expect at your first event...the second was better we met more people and actually had some kissing and touching with some couples there. my wife has mixed feelings about the lifestyle she is open to it but she doesn't think she could go all the way. i told her that i was turned on when i saw her kissing the guy and of course the other girl, she actually kissed like three girls :) how do i get her to go a little farther i know she is interested because she has told me, i think i would be turned on by seeing her with another guy and the whole foursome thing..but she doesn't think she can, she says she wants sex to be special only between us, which i say sex will always be special with us, they are two different things, i know it sounds like a cliche but "we make love and that we would be fucking" big difference...so how do i get her to understand that i want to see her with another guy and woman and of course me participate as well and be able to not feel like our "making love" is not special...

thanks!

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

If you both opt to venture out to another function, do not expect her to do anything with anybody. Do not even allude to the possibility of such activity. This experience in and of itself will be enough of a sensory overload, without you expressing your desire for further action. Simply allow her to take it all in, then discuss her reactions later. If this is done the right way, she may want more. After all, this was the initial goal.
If she expresses that she is just not interested, leave it at that. Tell her that is she would like to entertain the possibility, then she can bring it up when she's ready. Do not push! It will only make her feel insecure and make her wonder why you want to do this so badly. Women are delicate creatures sometimes, and we tend to analyze men's motives.
The best way to make her feel secure in entering the lifestyle is to reassure her that you love her, that she's beautiful, and that you are doing this not to find something better than her, but to enhance your relationship. If she doesn't hear this reassurance regularly, she will most likely assume that she just isn't enough for you, and that is why you feel the desire to swing.

Continue to make the distinction to her between having sex and making love. Again, women need that extra boost of security and need to be reassured regularly that making love to them is like nothing else in the world. Making love means that you are actually in love and share an experience in bed that no other can match because of your feelings for one another. Continue to stress this point to her, but don't be pushy about it. If you allow her the time to process her thoughts and take it at her own pace, you'll probably be pleased with the results. Please be patient with her. After all, SHE is the priority, not the lifestyle. If it's meant to go further, she will do it. Just keep your focus on maintaining a loving relationship with her and she will feel secure enough to branch out eventually.
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