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Question: Are we entering this too soon?

Dear Lounge Advice,

My partner and I are new to the lifestyle. I find it very exciting but yet I am very anxious about it also. My question is, the majority of couples we have met have been married for several years. My partner and I are both divorced and have benn together for one year. Sometimes I feel like we are getting into this too early in our relationship. We both are devoted to each other and love each other and are planning a future together but still, being that it has only been one year worries me a little and then on top of that, meeting all these couples who have been together for severaly years only adds more worry to the worry already there.

Any advice??



Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

Time together is not always the issue that you should be focusing on. The strength of your bond is the most important aspect to consider.
Here's an excerpt from something I have written in the past that may help you to gain further insight into your question:

Swinging in a relationship is like the wind to a fire. If the fire is strong, swinging will be the wind that breathes more life into your fire, making it burn brightly. If your fire is weak, that same wind will eventually extinguish the flames.
The lifestyle is no place for issues. The only type of issues allowed here are the Freudian types. Issues indicate a weak fire, and the aforementioned analogy alludes to the role of swinging to your relationship. The purpose of this lifestyle is to enhance an already fantastic bond. Naturally, there will always be a twinge of jealousy or insecurity. This comes with the territory of loving your mate, and is actually quite healthy. However, excessive jealousy or insecurity are best left outside of the swinging lifestyle. Yes, it takes a lot of trust, love, and acceptance to be involved in our lifestyle. That is why it is best to communicate with your partner thoroughly about your rules and comfort levels before you even entertain the possibility of swinging. If your wife is going to feel threatened by a woman she perceives as prettier than her, you have to work on making her feel secure before you swing. If your husband is going to get jealous if another man comes near you, this issue will make it near impossible to have a friendly swinging experience. Penis envy is a nonentity in our lifestyle if youíre couple swapping! If a couple senses that you have these kinds of issues, they will be much less inclined to play with you.
This is the time to look inside the dynamics of your relationship with your mate and determine: Do we have the essential elements needed to make an open relationship viable? This is not a time to rationalize weaknesses by saying that they arenít important; that they will hold up to any challenges swinging will offer. This is a time to be brutally honest and determine, above all is, if your relationship will be sturdy enough to handle any encumbrance that is presented when you and your partner partake in sexual relations with others. You would be demeaning the value of your bond with your significant other if you were to venture into this lifestyle with the goal of sleeping with others above the fate of your relationship. If this is the case, you will quickly find that your misplaced priorities will eclipse the strength of your bond, therefore placing your entire foundation in peril. Place yourselves in certain situations and try to answer hypothetical questions. If you are the woman, how will you feel if your mate hits on another woman at a lifestyle event? If you are the man, how would you react if another man was getting friendly with your wife, with the intention of enjoying sexual relations? How do you think either one of you would respond if an extremely appealing individual invited one of you out alone without the otherís knowledge? Would temptation be too hard to handle, or would your significant other have the strength to say no and inform you of the occurrence? Would you be able to handle seeing your partner engage in mind-blowing sex with another? Or, are you only considering the lifestyle because you no longer feel an attraction to your partner, and are seeking a way to satiate your sexual needs since you are not achieving this at home? Are you doing this because your partner wants sex a lot more often than you, and this is your answer for allowing them to vent some of those sexual urges while you sleep with someone just so he or she can do so?



All in all, if you have a strong bond that you believe will withstand some challenges that the lifestyle could present, then go for it! I've seen couples that have been together for many years that just didn't have the proper foundation for this. So don't worry about the length of your relationship- worry about the strength of it.
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