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Question: Help! His feelings have gotting out of control with another female we have played with, now I am freaking out!

Dear Lounge Advice,

My husband and I finally had our first experience with another girl. We broke all the rules we set for ourselves (mutual decision) and carried on a friendshihp with this girl (also a co-worker). I really enjoyed myself and so did he. At first it was great, but now things have gone downhill. He came to me one night and told me he wanted to stop because he liked kissing her "too much" and liked her more than just a friend. I should be thankful that he is so honest, but I freaked. Now, I can't get the thoughts out of my mind. He says he didn't mean it and didn't know what he was saying (poor attempt at a save). I'm afraid I'm destroying our marriage. HELP! Tell me I'm jealous and obsessive.
Lily

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

Lily,
In times such as this.... its sometimes helpful to try to step away from the situation and look at things as an outsider... and ask yourself..."What makes sense here?"

If your husband didnt want to be with you.. and wanted to be with this other person... why would he tell you HE wanted to stop?

It would seem that instead of getting yourself all bent outta shape.. you should wrap your arms (among other things) around your husband.... and thank him for stopping something before it destroyed your marriage.

Feelings are feelings.. and you are entitled to feel anyway that you wish.. however... they are not always a reflection of reality... they are just feelings. You were spooked by this... and maybe what you need to get out of this whole incident is that you should not compromise your rules for each other....

Jealous and obssesive... maybe... but its very understandable based on the events... stop punishing yourself... you got a good husband who sounds like he cares about you dearly... be thankful that he had the fortitude to put a stop to it...

One last thing... we do not know very much about the two of you or any other issues that you two are dealing with. We are not licensed marriage counslors and strongly suggest that if you really need help in overcoming this or... see other problems or ramifications in the future, that you seek out professional help...

In the lifestyle or out of the lifestyle we all face the same hurddles as any other couples... problems can often be exascerbated by introducing other people into the equation... that is why we try not to get too close to any one couple or person... the closer you get... the more likely feelings and emotions come into play... and then it stops being just something physical...

Good luck to you Lily.. and hats off again to your hubby !
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