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Question: How do I find renewed interest in the LS?

Dear Lounge Advice,

When my partner first "pitched" this Lifestyle thing to me, I was receptive and thought that it might be exciting and fun. I thought it might even afford me the chance to explore my own sexuality a bit.

We've been to one party and on one date so far. I found the party faintly ridiculous and not at all sexy. Most of the people we spoke with were gauche at best, rude at worst, and the naked people in the public viewing area seemed to be performing like a bunch of trained seals to me.

The couple we had drinks with were nice people, but I wasn't attracted to either one of them in the least. My partner was disappointed, especially when I told him there was NO chance I was going to be physical with them, EVER. In fact, we had plans to go to another party, which he then abruptly cancelled because he didn't want to waste the money on taking me.

My libido is bleeding. I used to get turned on by my fantasies and by all the normal things. I used to think this might be fun... Now, the thought of almost anyone touching me makes me rather ill.

How can I get rid of my nausea and find this Lifestyle idea fun again?



Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

It sounds like you just got started on the wrong foot. Unfortunately, as fun as this be, it still comes with experiences like those you went through. Just having a couple of encounters won't give you a full view of the true scope of anything. If I had allowed my first couple of negative experiences turn me off from the lifestyle completely, I would have done myself a disservice. I kept on with it and have had so many great times (of course with a few bad ones still interspersed) AND I met my husband in the lifestyle. I'm glad I stuck with it. Perhaps you just need to try different venues and give it a few more tries.
Hubby also needs to understand too that you will need time to acclimate and he needs to be patient. And of course, you always have veto power over the people you invite into bed. Both partners need to agree. If one partner puts about the decision, tough. He'll get over it.
Explain to him that you need to take this slowly and you need to feel comfortable in order to go further. If he's not willing to be patient with you in this regard, then nobody needs to be dabbling in the lifestyle at all.
It's either patience and understanding or nothing will happen.
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