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Question: Wife doesn't want to swing anymore after a perceived attachment

Dear Lounge Advice,

My wife and I have been married for 10 years and have been swinging off and on for about 5 years. The last time we swung was approximately 3 years ago prior to the birth of our second child. Unfortunately since our second child, we have not swung with another cpl although we have gone to several swinger clubs and functions. The last time we swung, we found a great cpl in which we had alot in common. So much in common, that both of the Mrs' got pregnant at the same time. After our kids were born, for some reason, my wife became extremely jealous and thought that the Mrs from the other cpl had a thing for me. I on the other hand thought that this cpl was a great match for us both as friends and as swinger partners. Ever since then, my wife has not swung the same and seems hesitant to swing again. I wanted to know how to approach the Mrs to help her want to swing again. Everytime I bring it up that I would like for us to get into the lifestyle again, she says she is no longer interested. I on the other hand love the exitement of the lifestyle and enjoy the opportunities of swinging with other cpls. Please advise on how I can get the Mrs on the right track. We are only in our 30's and would love to continue to live life to the fullest!



Dear (Anonymous),

Don't approach it like you want to get back into the lifestyle. If she continues to hear that you want to do this again, she will continue her reticence.
Instead, just approach her as a thoughtful listener. Tell her that you want to talk about her feelings- not because you want to know how to get her back into the lifestyle, but because you want to understand why she shut down.
Just going on the info in your letter, it sounds like she may be afraid to lose you. As silly as that may sound, it is a real concern for some women in the lifestyle. Perhaps she needs to know that you're going nowhere. It would also be purdent to remind her that you had no such intentions in that situation to return any perceived that other woman's 'thing'.
Perhaps the tight knit friendship was not the best route for you both to go. Seeing that your wife may have felt threatened because of how strong the bond grew, you might want to consider 'flings' if you ever reenter the LS.
Just talk to her and get to the root of the issue. Once your communication on the matter is better and she understands that she has no need to feel threatened, then you can think about presenting the idea of swinging to her again.

P.S. I apologize for the long delay in answering this concern. Yours got buried at the bottom of the waiting line!
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