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Question: How do I change her mind about kissing rules?

Dear Lounge Advice,

My wife and I have been in thre lifestyle for approx. 10 years. When we first started out we took it slow in order for both of us to get used to it and we both agreed we would not kiss others. Since then we have met and been with alot of fun couples but my wife still refuses to allow kissing. How can I get her to change her mind. She thinks kissing is too personal. She has no problem kssing other women but refuses to kiss other men. I try telling her that having having sex with other couples is just as personal but I can'e seem to get through. Any suggestions?



Dear (Anonymous),

Kissing is only personal if you attach feelings to it. Otherwise, it's just another part of sex-foreplay. If feeling are involved, it's personal, whether it's kissing, oral or sex. Ask her if when she has sex, does she consider it personal? Why not? Well, she'll probably answer that it's just sex, not making love. And what is making love? It's sex with personal feelings attached. The same goes for kissing. Again, it's not personal if it's just another part of getting off ;)
However, this is a matter of personal opinion, so we're talking about a very subjective matter here. I can't presume to get inside someone else's head and understand their reasons for something.
But, if she's still dead set on keeping that rule, don't push her too hard. Perhaps that's something she wants to save for just you, in which case, I'd be flattered!
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