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Question: I'm not sure if I have the right look for this

Dear Lounge Advice,

I am a BBW, a size 16. I carried twins, and it shows. I am dieting and losing weight steadily, 2 - 3 pounds a week, and the doctor says I'll reach my goal weight by summer. Even then, though, I'll still have the stretch marks. Hubby and I are sexual people, very sensual and comfortable with one another and our occasional playmate. But we are also pretty 'crunchy'--y'know, organics, natural things, etc. We prefer a natural look, no enhancements, too much make up, that sort of thing.

My question is, is this hopeless? I feel like, who would want me? Everyone else seems to have perfect bodies and a flawless wardrobe. Plus, I'm self-conscious about my stretch marks and fat. Should I just give up? Or resign myself to 7-10 hours a week in a gym and thousands of dollars of plastic surgery? HELP!




Dear (Anonymous),

You're doing the very best thing for your body by losing weight in a steady manner. It's the healthiest way to go. If you aren't already, mix in 3-4 sessions of cardio with that diet regiment. This will enhance your metabolism and allow your body to burn fat more effectively.

Now, as far as your self-image, you need to elevate that. You're not supposed to be the perfect 'look', whatever that is. You're supposed the be the best YOU.
Women tend to set up this 'perfect' image of what we should look like. Hollywood and the media tell us what we should look like and how we should dress. How boring is that. Just what the world needs- a bunch of clones in size 2 Versace, flawless skin and impossible to reach standards of beauty.

The best part of being who you are is being different from every person in this world. Stop looking at others and setting yourself to silly standards. Look in the mirror and set an attainable goal for the body that god gave you.
Focus on yourself and your health (including your sense of self).

You're focusing on a very small slice of the population and that's bringing you down unnecessarily. If your creator wanted you to be a teeny little thing with a 'perfect' wardrobe, then you would be that person.
But you're you, and you are beautiful in a way that you can't see yet. I haven't looked at your pictures and I don't need to. Being yourself and being proud of who you are is beauty.
This world can be so superficial and unfortunately, being on a site with lots of pretty pictures doesn't always help. Behind all of those flawless looking people are individuals with very similar worries. Even a size 4 lady frets over her body.
You need to do what is best for you. You also need to realize that your perception defines your reality.
If your perception dictates that you have to be flawless, then reality will keep you down on yourself, which is what's happening.
Keep working on yourself and stop comparing yourself to others. Just try to improve who YOU are instead of thinking you need to get that certain 'look'.
Don't compete with others. Just compete with yourself. THAT is how you can always win!

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