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Question: Not prepared for what happened

Dear Lounge Advice,

My boyfriend is not new to the Lifestyle, but I am. I have no problem with him kissing other women. I am typically not the jealous type. But one night we had a friend join us. We were all having a great time, when they started having sex. I was not at all prepared for that. We talked about it a little, but I am not sure if I am really okay with him sleeping with other women when we play. I am really enjoying this new experience, but I think its going to fast for me.

Is this normal? It honestly made me feel as if I could not satisfy him.

Sincerely,

E

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

Communication is key! If you are going to swing, this is THE most important factor to ensure success in your endeavors. Talk about everything, from possible situations, to feelings, to comfort levels. It is an awful feeling to get hurt when you see a partner do something that you just don't want to see while swinging. Discuss your boundaries up front. If someone gets hurt because you did not express your feelings, the fault lays on you for not expressing yourself. Remember, your mate is not a mind reader, so you must tell him or her what you want and do not want. If this is made known, and they still do it, THEN it is their fault. After every encounter, you will have to talk about it. Ask your partner, "Were you comfortable with what happened?" "Did anything bother you?" This will display your care for their feelings, and will make them more secure upon future rendezvous. Obviously, communication is a key factor in any relationship, but in the lifestyle, it can make or break you. Your sexuality is sacred, and you wouldn’t share it with just anyone. After all, sexuality is one of the many important things to bonds you to your partner, so sharing it with others is no light matter.
If you do not feel that the communication in your relationship is up to par, please do not consider the lifestyle until it is. If you or your mate cannot adequately express yourself and your feelings, then you will experience overwhelming difficulties while attempting to swing.

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