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Question: How does a single female handle the LS on her own for the 1st time?

Dear Lounge Advice,

I was part of a committed relationship for nearly 2 1/2 years and the relationship ended about 5 months ago. He introduced me to the Lifestyle and I really enjoyed it. I just recently joined the site as a single female. I'm a bit nervous being back out here now without someone to "watch my back" so to speak....that wonderful security you have when in a relationship. Do you have any advice on how to approach the lifestyle as a single female? From a safety and security standpoint? I don't want to appear distrusting but I'm a bit nervous about being alone with a couple. Naturally I would never go to play with someone that I didn't feel comfortable with but just wondering how other single females handle the Lifestyle on their own.

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

I can understand your nervousness.
When getting to know couples that are interesting to you, take your time with correspondence. Don't jump into meeting right away, no matter how strong of a connection you feel. Make sure you keep the upper hand by controlling your meetings. By this, I mean that you should always be upfront with others and tell them that when you do feel comfortable with someone, then you will agree to meet.
Allow yourself extended time to e-mail, chat, or talk on the phone to feel someone out.
By taking your time in correspondence, you accomplish a few things. Foremost, you get to feel out your potential 'dates'. You get to know if they're the type you seek and if they make you comfortable. Second, you control the pace of events, which lets them know that you are prudent and wary. Third, it lets people know that they cannot control you or push you into anything prematurely. Last, you can usually tell who is impatient and pushy if you drag the meeting date out a bit. The impatient ones will get pushy and demanding, so you will have automatically forced their motives to the surface by waiting a bit before meeting.
You also need to have a meeting place in mind. Someplace public like a normal bar is ideal. This takes away any sense of 'obligation' that may occur if you choose to meet in a swing club or their home. If you don't like the vibes that they put off during the meeting, you can have a drink or two, then go home by yourself. If you enjoy your encounter, you can always take it from there.
I recommend insisting that you pay for your own drinks/food if you opt to meet in public. By not allowing them to take up the tab, you keep the control and never give them the sense of being 'owed'.
I'm approaching this from the viewpoint of a single female on the dating scene. The only difference here is that you are dealing with two people instead of one. So, if you remember how you kept safe and secure when you were a single in the regular world of dating, the same rules apply here.
Remember, most couples would love to have the privilege of being with a single woman. Most of them wouldn't be stupid enough to blow it by being pushy.
You have the upper hand in your situation. Capitalize on it.
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