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Question: What do I do if my wife worries I will find someone I like better than her in the lifestyle?

Dear Lounge Advice,

My wife and I have been exploring the Lifestyle for about 4-5 months now and have a great time at local get togethers. We probably attend a party at least 1-2 times a month and have met countless people and they are all very nice. We also are fortunate enough to be fairly good looking and friendly so we havn't had any trouble meeting some couples that interest the two of us. My wife loves the flirting and socializing aspect of these get togethers and we have both kissed some people on occasion. I realize we havn't been doing this too long, but my wife is having trouble getting "over the hump" and opening up to the people that I know she is atteacted to.

She still has doubts and worries that I will find someone that I like better than her. I have reinforced to her, that for me, this is fun and in no way am I looking for a relationship other than with my wife. But, she has trouble seperating Lve and our rlationship from the idea of sex as pleasure. I have told myself, that I will not force her to do anything and will be content with the flirting as long as she wants to continue to attend these parties. Takling with many of the people that we know....it seems as though alot of people like the environment these parties afford, but, rarely do anything sexually. Should I be content with the flirting and if nothing more ever happens, accept that....or should I pull back from this lifestyle and wait for her to decide what she wants before trying to explore?



Dear (Anonymous),

You have told us a lot about how SHE feels at the get-togethers... but very little about how YOU feel. It would seem obvious that you want to see things progress to a next level (hey your a guy) but mostly you are showing wonderful signs of a patient and respectful husband.

Every person has a different threshold of when they reach the comfort level. Most considerate husbands realize that the payoff for them is that this lifestyle will be very much more enjoyable if they can curb their body chemistry and continue waiting until their wife "gets it."

So many people have been taught all their lives that activities such as lifestyle playing is taboo and wrong... etc....and some people just have a different level of security.

If she has expressed to you that she is enjoying the social aspect... and as long as you are finding some enjoyment as well... why pull away?

Consider one other possibility... maybe it has nothing to do with you and her... maybe... she just has not met the right people that she would feel comfortable getting over the "hump" (excuse the pun) with...

Our experience tells us to advise you to just chill... above everything else.. she will love you for standing by her and making her feel so special.

Keep in touch and let us know how it turns out for you !
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