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Question: We're not interested in play with our friends anymore- How to break the news?

Dear Lounge Advice,

We have met and played (soft swap) with another couple on two occasions. We met with them prior to playing and we felt comfortable with them and enjoyed their company. However, after playing a couple of time, the chemistry is just not good for my husband. He felt that way the first time, but then he thought we should give it another chance just to see if it was nervousness or something that might improve the next time. But, it did not.

Do you have any suggestions on how to tell them without hurting their feelings. They want to get together again - and we have been avoiding it - without actually telling them we don't really want to play with them again.

We hope to remain friends and we were hoping you would have some good thoughts or words of advice.

Thanks,






Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

I've had to do this before.
Here's how I dealt with it:
My husband took the man aside and explained to him that we absolutely want to keep hanging out and continuing our friendship. But he explained that he just wasn't feeling the chemistry and none of us wanted to hurt her feelings. Tell him that you wanted to be honest so it wouldn't hurt the friendship, but this is the best way you knew how to break the news while keeping everyone's feelings intact. Have a conversation from there to see how he feels and how he wants to proceed from there. My bet is that he won't want to hurt his wife's feelings either, and will find a way to keep the friendship going. Or, if you feel more comfortable speaking to the guy, you can do this too.
Just don't avoid them to try to solve the situation because that will hurt more feelings than a more direct approach.
If they are really your friends, they will overlook the play and continue to be your friends. If they disappear, then it was more about the play than the friendship.
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