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Question: We aren't comfortable about having full blown sex with other people, but don't want to be shunned.

Dear Lounge Advice,

Where to begin. We introduced ourselves to a change three years ago by taking a trip to the Caribbean Reef in Cancun, our first experience at being "naked" around other people. It was great and we made some good friends. We also were exposed to people that were swingers. This was all new and the wildest thing we did was a sensual massage which was great. Next year was Hedo II and we expanded our contacts to wild parties, body painting and body shots with other couples. Again it was a wild time for us, met great people and grew in our relationship. We went back to CRC and Hedo II the next year with the same kind of time. We even went to a party at Club Connection in Houston. The deal is that we really have enjoyed all of our experiences but we have not been in a position to be comfortable about having full blown sex with other people. So is seems like when we explore finding fun people to get with we are shunned because we don't "do it all". Just like the "sensual massage" posted on the forum - no comments or response! We are a good looking couple and we like dancing, parties, beaches, being naked and adult games. What are we missing. Please Help?

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

What you are missing is patience... and the same understanding that you are looking for in others.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with you going at your own pace and NOT "doing it all" until you are both ready and comfortable.

At the same time, you have to be understanding that other couples are at different levels right now... and although you are seeing it as being shunned... different people seek different adventures... the more limited you are in what you partake in... the more patient you have to be.

Its not an easy mix sometimes.. but we all have to try to understand everyone elses points of view. Most times we are sympathetic to the newbies postions as it sucks to feel any kind of pressure at all... but on the other side of the coin it sucks just as bad to meet and feel a connection with a couple... only to find out that you are not on the same page.

The best remedy is to communicate often.. and early on when you meet a new couple.. and respect everyones differences.

It is also helpful to be VERY explicit in your profile and say that you are new and not ready for anything heavy (or just state all that you are into) and that you are looking for a couple who is on the same page.... and be patient.

You will be surprised at just how many couples are in the exact same situation as you.
Good Luck !
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