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Question: She cheated on me using the lifestyle as an excuse.

Dear Lounge Advice,

My live-in girlfriend and I have been in the lifestyle for about 3 years. I recently had to be away from home for 2 months for work. During this time she approached a vanilla co-worker of mine, told him about our lifestyle, and propositioned him for sex. He obviously agreed and she snuck him into the house in the afternoon to have sex in our bed on two separate occasions. The week before I returned she had sex with another vanilla man that she met through work. The only reason I found out was because I found the email exchange between all of them. I have confronted them and they finally admitted to what happened. The men said that she portrayed our lifestyle as open and that it was okay to have sex with other men without me around. This was never our agreement in the lifestyle. She has professed her love to me and has assured me that this will never happen again. I have realized that she enjoys the lifestyle too much and uses it as an excuse to have sex with other men. How do I ever trust her again or should I just cut my losses and move on.

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

You won't be able to trust her again for a long time. If she was cheating on you, chances are, she would have done it even if you weren't a lifestyle couple. She just used this as a convenient 'in' to going behind your back. Would she have ever told you if you had not found the evidence? Probably not.
People who cheat on their partners even when they're in the lifestyle are just plain JERKS. While this is my own personal opinion, I know that 99% of the lifestyle community will concur.
So, this is ultimately up to you. DO you trust her enough to carry on with not only the lifestyle, but the relationship as well? Do you truly believe that she can just quit her cheating tenancies cold turkey? You really need to trust your gut on this.
For starters, I strongly advise at least pulling out of the lifestyle until you feel that some semblance of trust has returned. You have the upper hand here and she is at your mercy. The transgressions here were serious enough that it empowers you to make the decision, and she should abide by it. If you feel that the lifestyle needs to be put on hold while you both repair the wrongs, then you should have the say. Frankly, I think she's damn lucky you're still around.
Put your foot down and decide the terms. Above all, put your happiness first and decide if you can trust this woman with your heart after what has happened.
Only you can decide what is best for you at this point.
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