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Question: Established boundaries- are we doing something to offend?

Dear Lounge Advice,

We are a M-F couple, fairly new, and are trying to ease into the LS. Part of this process involved our negotiating and talking about our boundaries. We wanted to have this discussion and agreement between us in place before proceeding with other playmates.

(She) has a pretty common boundary for new swinger couples that (He) understands and has agreed to honor no matter what.

We began the process of seeking out like-minded people to talk with and meet. The boundaries have been upfront, discussed twice in our profile Q&A, as well as brought up during initial conversations with people.

I mean, I don't know how much more clear we can be... c'mon now. It's not some surprise that gets "sprung" on a play-parnter in the heat of the moment. Plus it's not that weird of a boundary. Almost every new person has incorporated it in one way or another from what I've seen in Advice and Forum.

So here's what happened: We found a couple that we felt really compatible with, and so we began a conversation with them. Right off the bat I knew we were hitting it off, and we wanted to take the next steps. I asked them if we could discuss boundaries, and reminded them about mine.

They responded back and said that we obvioulsy had a strained relationship, and even told me I was too emotionally unstable to go any further in the LS. They followed up the insult by going back into our profile and pulling statements out from what I had said, then insulted me with that. I think the statement was: "You should both think about going back to just watching porn."

Aren't rules and boundaries that are agreed-upon upfront by the couple expected here? What did I do wrong???




Dear (Anonymous),

I see absolutely nothing wrong with your boundaries and even if I was someone who didn't agree with your boundaries, I would have no right to comment.
You guys went about this perfectly by discussing the boundaries upfront, establishing them and communicating to others what they are. This is always the best practice and I advocate it constantly.

You did nothing wrong. Obviously, you happened upon disrespectful people who don't care about others' limits, just about their own needs.
Please don't let this deter you. Stick to your guns and keep doing exactly what you've been doing. If someone doesn't like it, they have the choice to walk away. Otherwise, they should keep their mouths shut and respect your preferences.
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