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Question: Fantasizing about my swap partner too much is confusing me

Dear Lounge Advice,

We had our first full swap experience at a resort and I am continuing to have fanatsies about my swap partner and fantasize about seeing him again (someone I hardly know...not a good thing??). Our swap couple couldnt have been nicer too, which makes it all more confusing. Could it be because I may not be the type to emotionally disconnect from this type of activity (unlike my husband)? Although physcially I enjoyed every moment the whole scenario has really confused me. However, since the incident I feel like my sexuality has come alive. I havent felt this sexy in years! I've been honest with my husband about my feelings and while he is enjoying me feeling sexy again and he is dissapointed about my feelings for my swap partner. This has opened the lines of communication between my husband and I significantly but since our marriage has been on the rocks off an on for years this may have been a bad time to indtroduce this into our lives and I am viewing this as destructive behavior to the marriage and self, but yet I enjoyed it and if my husband and I got divoreced I would probably do it again. ??? Now I'm really confused.

Confused

p.s Just lounging around naked with and enjoying only each other and chatting with others I was completely ok with and was the best part of the whole day.



Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

It's normal to find an incredible lover and to fantasize about experiencing him again. God knows I've been in your shoes, both while in a bad marriage AND a good one. Anything that presents such a pleasant memory is bound to tantalize your mind like that. I wouldn't be too worried about your thoughts. As long as you're not dreaming of an emotional connection, and just thinking about the great time you had and a need for a repeat performance, don't sweat it. That's one of the gems in this lifestyle- when you find that kind of thing, a great perk is thinking about it afterwards and craving the repeat.
Seeing as how your marriage isn't in the best of shape, I'd be hesitant to voice this information. I made that mistake in the past and I wished I had never opened my mouth. While I promote open lines of communication, I don't advocate knowingly throwing a wrench into an already shaky situation. You guys probably shouldn't even be swinging until you repair the marriage, but that is of course, your decision. Don't allow this to overwhelm you. It's natural to feel wanted in your situation, and this is often confused for something taboo. You're feeling what any pureblooded woman would feel if she's been neglected in that area and it suddenly returns.
It sounds like you're just craving what you're lacking in your marriage, and I think you should tell your husband this much- It feels great to be looked at as a sexy woman again. To be desired and wanted is natural, and you need that from him. Perhaps I'm speculating too much with too little information, but it's a thought.

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