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Question: If a man has been insecure for 8 years, can this LS work?
Dear Lounge Advice,
My husband and I have been in the lifestyle for a couple of years now but I am feeling the need to have a little more freedom. He has only let me be with 1 man... and demands that we only play with women.... I am bi playful but I prefer men. Initially I did this to please my husband. I thought that this would pretty much make me the perfect wife and believe me.. he rewarded me with alot of praise. He then said that he couldn't do it himself... he can't handle the thought of me being with other men but I am to not let it bother me.. this this (I think of it as) chauvenism (misp..lol) It is entirely unfair. And I didn't tell you this part... even with this perfect get your cake and eat it too marriage.. he went out on me behind my back with girls and continued to do it even though he could pretty much have whatever he wanted. anyway... we have since separated and he wants his perfect life back without having to change anything about himself...although he stayed on this site without me...and promises that he has behaved himself....(I want to believe him but it is hard after 8 years of lies and two children later.) This is very confusing to me.. I see other couples able to emotionally detach and have fun and I envy that. I wish I had the same... a confident man with whom I could be completely honest and secure with.
I left because of a yearning for equality and now I find myself yearning for that and my husband back... Reallly confusing huh?
I guess my real question is.. if a man has been insecure for 8 years of marriage can this lifestyle ever work?
My husband, who I was with for seven years, went behind my back to cheat despite us being in the lifestyle.
If such issues were persistant for this amount of time, it's highly doubtful that things will change. The lifestyle will only work if the marriage is functional and trust is preseny.
Only you can answer this question. Ask yourself- Do I trust him enough to not only reform a relationship based on full trust, but do I trust him enough to reenter the lifestyle too?
Don't lie to/delude yourself just because you *want* to believe this. It is rare for people to change such behaviors.
There are so many GOOD men out there that could be a part of your life that is seems almost silly for you to allow yourself the potential to go through the heartbreak again.
But this is your choice. Only you can decide if it's worth it.
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