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Lifestyle Sexual Advice
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Question: We want to attend a club, but don't know what to expect.
Dear Lounge Advice,
We have been in the lifestyle for 3 years now but are not very active (we have met 5 couples so far). From what I have heard there is a nice club in the area and we are interested in going there. The problem is ...... I (the mrs.) am terribly shy until I get to know someone (not good for this lifestyle huh?). And I don't really know what to expect at a swinger's club...so I am nervous to top it off. I keep thinking I'll be fine once we get there but could you give me some advice to get over those 2 hurdles ..... maybe what its like at any club you may go to. Is there full blown intercourse right in the open ...... how do you appoarch someone you are interested in ...... those types of things! Any advice for a first time club visit would be great!!!
Being nervous about walking into a couples club for the first time is very normal. Most of us who started had images of just walking into a place where gross looking people are just having sex all over the floor...
The good news is that most of the fear is just fear of the unknown and not warranted.
We cannot speak for every club... but most every one that we have been to are not that different than any other dance clubs. Even the "on premise" clubs have areas which are usually set aside as "play" areas... away from the main part of the clubs.
The best way of getting over the "hump" (pardon the expression) is just to make a commitment to each other to go and check out the place and agree that you will not "do anything" that first time.... and just go to observe.
If you don't put any expectations on yourselves that first night its a lot easier and you wont drive yourselves crazy with nerves.
As far as being shy and such... you can even agree that you will just stay with each other and not even talk to anyone else. Once you are there we think you will feel more comfortable when you see how friendly and open the atmosphere is like. Most of the people in the lifestyle we have met are very understanding with newbies as we were all new once... and all had the same fears and hesitations you have.
As far as the specific club in your area, you may wish to contact other members of the Lifestyle Lounge and ask them about what goes on at that club.
The only other piece of advice we would give you is to be open and honest with everyone you meet about how new this is to you. That will serve a few purposes.... 1) you may find some people that will be happy to answer any questions you have and help you feel more at ease. 2) you will manage expectations of other more experienced couples. 3) You may meet other new couples that are sharing the same feelings as you.
Keep in touch and let us know how it goes!
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