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Question: I want have separate play, but hubby won't budge on the issue

Dear Lounge Advice,

My husband and I have been in the LS for 3 years and we both LOVE it! The problem is.. that I love and want to have separate play. My husband won't go for this at all and I am afraid that this is the one things that I don't want to compromise. I love my husband and wish that he would not be insecure. I just find it impossible to find a four way connection. I am totally fine with him playing alone. How do I get him on board with this concept?

Needing more

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

Have you tried offering him the choice of separate play with other femalesmore than just once? If not, this might show him that you're firm in willing to allow it since it's the fair thing to do. If he's still not willing to go for it, don't push it. If you push too hard for this, he might start wondering why you want/need this so badly and why you can't be satisfied with being in the lifestyle and having him around during the extracurriculars.
If he still won't budge, just be thankful that he is willing to participate in the lifestyle at all. The biggest compliment, though, is that he wants to do this with you.
Put yourself in his shoes. If you didn't feel comfortable with him playing alone, how would you feel if he kept bringing it up despite your insistence that you're uncomfortable with it?
Unofrtunately, this IS about compromise, just like any part of a relationship. The compromise may not go completely your way, but we all need to accept that this is part of keeping a relationship healthy. Pushing to have your way will only hurt your bond and lower trust levels.
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