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Lifestyle Sexual Advice
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Question: How do I help her enjoy this more?

Dear Lounge Advice,
We have been exploring the Lifesatyle for 6 months now. My wife and I talked about it for a year prior to having our first experience. Although it was my idea to get involved with this, she led us into our first experience with a couple. We have had a total of 3 full swap experiences and 1 soft so far.

All our experiences so far have resulted in me having a great time and her feeling bad about herself the next day, to the point of her regretting the experience. Every guy she has been with has had erection problems during intercourse. She also says that most of these guys do not turn her on. It requires a vibrator for her to orgasm with them(although this is the same for us when we are alone), she feels that since the sex is not that good (erection problems for them and not that enjoyable for her) that she does not feel it is worth it. She does say that she does not mind me with another women or have any feelings of jealousy, but that I should pay more attention to her next time during the act. This is fine with me. I guess I just got too focused on who was in front of me, but will include her more next time.

She likes the positive effect of the Lifestyle, such as it makes her feel more sexy and also has helped her to relax more about sex and feeling sexual without guilt. She used to be a lot more sexually inhibited just a year ago.

I reaaly have enjoyed all the people and experiences so far and would like to continue at our own pace, but we need to try to resolve these recurring issues she is feeling the day after. Hopefully you can give us some advice.

Thank you



Dear (Anonymous),

So many of us ladies have had experiences with erectile issues with men, whether in the lifestyle or out.
It's happened to me more often than not, and I can sympathize. Unofortunately, it takes patience to find the mind-blowing experiences. She may need to keep looking.

I recommend allowing her to drive for awhile. Allow her to choose the man/couple that she really feels attracted to and see if that works. It's harder for us ladies to find a good male lover than the other way around. That will require a bit of patience on your end if you're truly dedicated to allowing her to attain enjoyment out of the lifestyle. Just listen to her and allow her to get into her comfort zone and take control for awhile. Let her know that you're doing this so that she can get full satisfaction out of it too.
I'm not advocating allowing her to dictate everything- just let her have a feeling of control over the situation so that she knows you're sensitive to her needs. Perhaps if she feels that she has more control over the direction of things, she won't feel so guilty about the turnout.
Whatever she decides, be respectful and she will feel that she has room to branch out take it further.
YOu guys may also consider an approach I take- I always carry Viagra and offer it to the guy beforehand- not as an "I know you won't last, here ya go", but as an "I want to go all night because I'm an animal and I want you to go with me *meow*". This way, it ensures a 'hard' time without offending his ego :)
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