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Question: Not getting my fair share

Dear Lounge Advice,

We have been in the LS for about 7 months, and we both really enjoy it, my girl is bi and I'm Str8. We have been fortunate to find and be accepted into a nice group that we feel comfortable with. One of the couples we've been in play situations with twice, the first time was just girl/girl, at a party my girl and I threw in our home, on this encounter my girl may have sucked him a little but not to completion. the second was an "after party" at their home.

During this second encounter, we were in the bedroom with 4 couples. When the guy started showing interest in my girl, his girl was involved with another girl, so I didn't immediately approach her, a minute or two latter his girl leaves the room, and doesn't return untill after he has had intercourse with my girl. When I approached her later, she basically ignored me. In her defense she was kind of drunk and may not have been thinking straight or was very tired when she did this to me, but frankly, I feel cheated by this couople, and that they took advantage of our openness and free spirits to let her guy do my girl with nothing in return for me.

If she never intended to do anything with me, was it inappropriate for him to approach us without letting us know that his girl was either uninterested in me, or doesn't do other guys at all before he had sex with my girl?

I look forward to your reply.

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

It wasn't necessarily their fault that this happened. While there *may* have been an attempt on his part to take advantage of her openness, you can't lay the blame on him.
If she was receptive to him and didn't say anything to the contrary, he didn't do anything wrong by proceeding with the sex.
In this type of after-party situation, many people have been drinking and flirting for hours. Therefore, inhibitions are at very low levels and if people are receptive to play, it ususally happens. If you were the only couple thee with those two and his woman wasn't intending to play, then I would say his actions were inappropriate.
However, it was a group situation and in these situations, typical couple to couple 'rules' don't always stick.
To boil it down to basics, if you weren't comfortable with what was happening, you needed to speak up. You both also need to talk about boundaries in this type of situation. It sounds like it was a big miscommunication between you both. Talk about what you will both do in this type of situation should it arise again. Then, if it happens like this again, you can pinpoint the blame and not chalk it up to 'not knowing any better'.
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