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Question: How do get back to our original intent for getting into the LS?

Dear Lounge Advice,

We have been together for 30 years. We have been in the lifestyle for about 5 years. It was my idea, but she took to it like a fish to water. We had fun, going to strip clubs, a few parties, it was a blast. For both of us! When we would go to strip clubs she would flash the girls and guys, she would get more money than the stripers lol (she is a beautiful woman). It was so much fun. We would laugh and talk about our adventures for weeks something we shared together. Thatís how it started, something we could share together.

As time has gone by we developed a relationship with a couple, we have gotten very close. We love the other couple a lot.....but my wife no longer wants to do anything erotic other than with her lover. She will do nothing that she thinks will hurt him. We don't do any of the things we did. My wife and I started out playing together, something we did for us. Now we just play with them and in different rooms thatís all we do, no clubs, three sums, four sums, no other partners or anything else. His wife does not like to see him with my wife or for me to be with them in a three sums so is this it? It makes me very sad because all the other couple wants to do is play separately. This is not what it was meant to be or how it started out. What do I do now?

I could use your advice. We could use you advice.

Thanks

anonymous


Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

This lifestyle is typically not about exclusivity, unless a couple decides that they want to 'date' another couple. It doesn't really sound like what you both wanted when you got into this.
Right now, your original reasons for getting into this are no longer in play. This is a VERY sticky situation because it can potentially develop into feelings between her and this man. This kind of situation has all of the right ingredients to create the kind of feelings that should not be present. You can bring this up to her, but I'd bet that she laughs at the possibility of this happening. However, anyone who is new to this type of situation has no concept of how it develops until it's too late.
Personally, it has happened to me twice- both times I didn't see it coming until the feelings hit and then I was in too deep. The first time it happened, I got married (I was a single swinger). The second time, it was the nail in the coffin of that failing marriage, ironically.
If you love her and she loves you, you both need to remove yourselves from this situation. It's on a toxic path that could end up tearing at the heart of your relationship. If you put a halt to this now, it's definitely not too late to start over with new goals. YOu both just need to talk about your original reasons for getting into this, and it certainly didn't entail getting into this kind of tangled 'relationship' with another couple.
It will be a painful process- I can't sugarcoat the effects of pulling away from this. I can't tell her myself what can happen if it continues. Even if I could, I assure you she wouldn't really understand the full effect unless the lesson is learned the hard way.
Some of you who are reading this may feel that I'm painting too grim of a picture. I feel I need to present the worst scenario in this case for the sake of the relationship. To not do so could mean that you wouldn't fully understand the possibilities present.
Please consider what I have to say. Talk to her and get back to the basics for the sake of your realtionship's health. Right now, this is anot a healthy situation that you are in, and I'm sure your gut is telling you that.
You both love each other, so remember that and re-assess your goals. It's not too late to start over and enjoy the wonderful benefits this lifestyle has to offer.
Ultimately, the lifestyle should serve to enhance your bond. It should not be making you feel this way.
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