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Question: Etiquette for turning down requests for repeat play

Dear Lounge Advice,

We met another couple and played with them. We had an enjoyable time but it wasn't fantastic and we decided not to get together with them again. They have asked us several additional times to play. Trying not to be rude, we have put them off but they are asking us weekly to get together. I guess they assume since we played with them once, why not again? Whats the etiquette for letting them know it was a one time thing?



Dear (Anonymous),

There is really no set etiquette for this kind of situation. Either way it plays out, it will end up being awkward, or someone's feelings will get hurt.

Here's one approach that we would end up using for ourselves if we were caught in this situation- it might alleviate some of the awkwardness or bruised egos:

We had a really nice time with both of you. (give them a personalized compliment here about their personalities) We'd still be open to hanging out outside the bedroom, no strings attached, if you're cool with that. If a friendship with benefits is what you guys really want though, we won't take it personally if you don't want to hang out. We just don't want to guarantee any more playtime and lead you on if that's what you're exclusively looking for. Hope that makes sense...

Pepper it with some light humor if you'd like. We do that extensively so it keeps the mood light while getting the point across delicately.

This not only gives them the chance to infer that you're not interested in sex anymore, but to take the rejection with their dignity intact. It also proves you to be a classy person by responding to their pursuits despite your disinterest, and doing so in a classy manner. You do not need to provide reasons for your disinterest. That is your business, not theirs. If they ask for the reason, you can either choose to ignore it, or politely inform them that the reasons do not matter, only that you prefer to keep it at a non-sexual level.
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